Transcript When Affairs Happen
Transcript When Affairs Happen
0 (1s):
Welcome to real raw with dr. B, this nationally published author and pastor has made it his life’s work to helping people strengthen their relationship with God themselves and each other with 25 years as a licensed counselor, coupled with his own life experiences with the ups and downs of married and single life. It’s like having a counseling session right in your own home. So without any further ado, it’s time for real roar with dr. B, Oh my
1 (35s):
Goodness. This is dr. B, where we come on to give you some information about your relationship with yourself, with God and others. The word of God says my people die for a lack of knowledge. And our job is to help you understand that, you know, things need to change, but for things to change, you gotta change your mind frame. You don’t change your mind frame and things will go down the Hill. All right. So we’re going to talk about affairs and my Facebook is cutting up.
1 (1m 5s):
So EAP, you can do what you want to do on the background. Cause this one is not working. All right? So when you have an affair, you must understand that trust has been broken. Okay? And when the trust has been broken, you know, things have now come apart. Things are not going in the best fashion. So because the trust is broken. Now your job is to help what heal it.
1 (1m 35s):
Okay. Your job is to help heal it. Now you can’t heal it if you’re not being truthful. Okay? Okay. Now guys, I’m gonna pick on you. All right. So guys, I’m going to pick on you. Okay? Because a lot of times when you find yourself in the wrong and you’ve had an affair with another woman or someone with the opposite sex that has destroyed your wife, that has destroyed her wife. If you had an affair, that’s a shortage, your husband.
1 (2m 6s):
And so this trust factor has to be the key. Okay. And now here’s the key. A lot of people will say, well, you know, I love you. I love you. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. You can say love all you want. But love in my mind is going to be like how water goes through the opening of the cracks. Why? Because you can say you love your warrants, but there’s no trust, right? There’s no trust.
1 (2m 37s):
If there’s no trust again, this trust we’re gonna be there for a long time because there’s no trust. It’s hard to love. Okay? Love and trust are like Siamese twins. You got to have love and trust in the relationship. But if, but, but if someone has had an affair, the love and trust, okay, the love may be there. Not as strong as it should be, but definitely no trust because the person you have heard has said, you know what? I gave you everything, you know, I gave you this. I gave you that.
1 (3m 7s):
And look what I get the response. Look what I got in response. I didn’t get love what I got. I got you going out other relationships going out of the marriage. Okay. So, so really it’s also going to take some time, right? It’s going to take time for that woman. Take time for that man to heal. Now again, you got to understand, now this is very important. <inaudible> okay. There are consequences. Okay. There are consequences to having an affair.
1 (3m 40s):
Guys. Hear me loud and clear. Now, now for some reason, some of y’all think you’re the invisible man. And hence, there are no consequences of you. Double-dipping I’ll I’ll keep it nice. Okay. You’re double dipping. All right. And you’re double dipping. They’re going to be consequences. Okay. It’s going to be consequences of your double dip because you’re dipping in a sauce.
1 (4m 11s):
All y’all. Don’t like me now you’re dipping in a sauce that don’t belong to you. Okay. So the consequences. All right. So there’s something that you have to come to terms. All right. She’s hurt. Okay. Come on. Let’s be honest. And for many and for many, and I see this in my practice.
2 (4m 33s):
Yes.
1 (4m 35s):
Many. The fair comes out of nowhere.
2 (4m 43s):
Okay.
1 (4m 43s):
It comes out of nowhere. You got the money, you got the four, one K, you got all those things going on and bam, Hey, come up here and see that’s what people don’t understand. The fare is in so many places. An affair is like a hit, which call was saying a head on collision that that’s it head on. Thank you. Yep. Okay. It it’s like a head on collision.
1 (5m 15s):
It’s like all of a sudden, woo. We’re driving down to Waterbury, driving down the Hartford. You know, everything’s not all of a sudden bam. Right. And then all of the damages. Right? All, all the rehabilitation. Right? All the rehabilitation all the time. Again. The T word come again. All the time is going to take to rebuild.
1 (5m 44s):
Okay? Okay. Dwayne, what about the car? Your body? Come on now. All of a sudden you’re driving and all of a sudden here comes the affair. All of a sudden here comes another woman in your life. All of a sudden here comes another child. I don’t hear nobody. All of a sudden here comes an STD, all of a sudden. So there is a rehabilitation that must be taken into effect because you had an affair. Now, again, I’m coming to you.
1 (6m 16s):
Not as judgemental. I made a lot of mistakes in my first marriage. My job is to help ensure you don’t make those same mistakes again. Because again, when you have an affair, it affects a woman. Now here’s this controversial love. You don’t understand.
2 (6m 34s):
Right? Okay.
1 (6m 36s):
Now I’m not. I never will justify how’s my time EAP. Okay. I will never have a justification of a fair, because you can never justify an affair. You can never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever justify an affair. You can never justify, justify an affair. You can never justify that. But here’s the point though. Okay. That the spouse who did not cheat must say, okay, what my, what my spouse did was wrong.
1 (7m 9s):
But again, it takes two.
2 (7m 12s):
Okay.
1 (7m 13s):
Now here’s what women don’t want to hear. Y’all don’t want to hear it. I’m not, I’m not justifying what the man debt. I am not justifying EAP. I know some cars going be coming a real soon. Now I am not justifying what the man did. I did I say that again? I’m gonna say it again. I am not justifying with demand, dude, but ladies wives, hear me loud and clear. If you keep telling the man. No,
2 (7m 38s):
And no, and no. Okay.
1 (7m 43s):
You are really pushing him in the wrong direction. You are pushing him in a place that you ain’t going to like, like, like one of my, a couple said, she said, you know what? I never expected him. But again, if you keep, I wish I’m going to get it. Don’t say, Hey man, cause I may incriminate yourself. So tell, say, Mikkel, I made incriminate.
1 (8m 15s):
You alright. But, but again, if you keep pushing and pushing and pushing and pushing, then you’re going to push that person into the wrong direction. That’s why, when you see the symbol of an issue, okay? When you see the semblance of a problem, okay? When you see a semblance of a problem, your job is to attack the problem.
1 (8m 44s):
Your job, whoever sees it first is to how can we fix this? Okay. How can, because again, okay. Hear me affairs do happen overnight. Okay? Okay. They do not happen overnight people. That’s what I said. They do not happen over night. They did it. They just don’t. Nope, no, no, no, no. It is a what’s the P word process.
1 (9m 19s):
It is a process. There was a process that happened that things were not done. Anniversaries were forgotten emotional connection or that’s a big word right there. Alright. Emotional connection. Okay. Was lost. And so here, these things are happening over and over and over again. And you expect no repercussions. Really? You, you, you, you expect nothing to happen.
1 (9m 51s):
You’re not doing nothing. He not doing nothing. Can I tell y’all something? You keep doing something yet. You’re both not doing some, something going to happen. Yeah. I said it because you are watches. Now you are building, okay. You are building a fortress foreign affair. Okay. You got that. You are building a fortune for the fair.
1 (10m 22s):
All right. We’re going to come back with segment. Number two, Hebrews 13 says the marital bed is undefiled in his book. Married couples Dow shall have great sex. Dr. B talks about married Christian couples, allowing themselves to enjoy each other. Intimately. There is a issue within marriages, whether Christian or non-Christian of couples who have declined in their intimacy.
1 (10m 52s):
And this book comes right at you. That, for example, if you had crazy sex, when you were not married, why you stop having sex after you got married? And I know that a lot of reasons that comes with it, a spiritual central marriage can cohabitate. Yes. You can be a Christian and love sex and be married at the same time. You can do it. I know it’s hard to believe, but you can purchases of this book or any of dr.
1 (11m 22s):
B’s naturally published books can be made at the bookstore at dr. TC brentley.com, amazon.com or Barnes and noble.com. And now here’s more of your virtual relationship trainer. Here’s more of dr. B. Welcome back to real raw with dr. B, how subject matter is a very touchy subject matter, but as a subject matter needs to be addressed. Cause I’m real raw. It’s about a fair. So we have questions from Facebook and those on Facebook live, you can ask questions and EAP, a executive producer, a minister hinder.
1 (11m 57s):
The enemy will ask me the question. All right. Minister, Henry, talk to me, sir,
0 (12m 1s):
Based on everything you’ve just said, dr. V the crust question we have from Facebook is what is, you’re trying to do everything. Okay?
1 (12m 8s):
Okay. Yeah. When you’re trying to do everything okay. In a relationship, that’s a sign that a song’s going to be overrun. So, so someone’s doing everything, everything. Then other person is doing nothing. All right. So for a relationship to work, both couples must work and play. That’s a play. I did say, I didn’t say kid in play. I said, work and play. Now, why is this important? Because if you were just working, if y’all are just working for the money and working for the career or working to keep the marriage together, and there is no playtime, you’re opening the door to an affair just that quick.
1 (12m 50s):
You’re, you’re, you’re, you’re opening the door because you’re not being, what’s the key word connected. Okay. Right now on Facebook, I don’t know that you can see it on Facebook. I have a pen that I give to my couples is called connected love. Okay. If there’s no connection in your love is not going to work. So again, back to the question, if you’re doing everything and, and, and your spouse and your mate is not working with you, you is not going to work.
1 (13m 21s):
And also you’re going to be very frustrated. And then I frustration, you know, and don’t worry about the small things not doing that. You may go into the affair because you are becoming a dry. Okay. And you need someone to fill that up. All right. So over the answer to that question. All right. So, so, so, so again, it’s understanding that in an affair, you know, okay. It’s a part also, I want to say an affair affairs, also a spirit.
0 (13m 50s):
What?
1 (13m 51s):
Yeah. If your father or mother or parents, I should say, if they did an affair, there’s a good possibility that that may follow you. Okay. So that right there, she’ll put you on guard. Okay? Okay. That right there. She’ll put you on guard that you know what, this is not working. All right. Because it’s a spirit. My father did it by my mind. My mother did it. My uncle did it. So that spirit of fare is in the vicinity of the relationship.
1 (14m 25s):
So it is making a conscious effort. Okay. Am I making sense? It’s making a conscious effort to change. Okay. Now here’s the kicker. If you do not change, change will change. You. Does that make sense? Make sense to me. If you do not make the appropriate changes in your relationship, then you will back and you will do things wrong.
3 (14m 55s):
And please
1 (14m 57s):
An affair is not just sexual people. Oh no. I’m. I can also be emotional. Okay. Definitely affairs about the phone. Oh, here I go. It don’t make no sense to me. Another question. It don’t make no sense to me that you knew all these type of things for a woman or a man. That’s not yours, but won’t do it for your spouse. Now. I hear you loud and clear. Well, dr. B, she don’t love me.
1 (15m 28s):
Like she used to. I mean, as you get old lube and I want it, she used to wear laundry. Now she wears pants still to the dog. She used to cook for me. Now I got to go to McDonald’s and say, alright, so, so watch this here. Why is this an issue? Because again, you plant the seed. Okay. You planting the seed of an unfair. Okay?
1 (15m 58s):
Okay. You’re planting a seed. You why? Because you’re not ministering to one another when you, Oh, okay. Hear me in a marriage and relationship. You need someone to minister. Okay. Or to love God when someone is not loving. When, when there is no love in the relationship, someone is going to step outside one way or another.
1 (16m 28s):
And then some you say, well, I don’t care if you step outside, really? You don’t care. Okay. That right there says you checked out. Okay. That right there says that you have not put the onus. Okay? You, you, you have not put the work in and see, here’s an issue that a lot of couples don’t understand is that you cannot forget your Genesis. Okay? Genesis means though, what? Beginning? Okay. Many of you have forgotten your beginnings used to date used to boy.
1 (17m 3s):
I tell you, you used to go on your wife. Praise God. Like she was a suspect. I would tell you hands all over her. I mean, you hands, hand everywhere, hands, all over and Loma. And now, hi, look, you just, You don’t tell you this grunt brothers run back in the day. Well, you know, back in the day, she was a size two hell. Now she has 30 brother. He who’s who he, who has not gained weight.
1 (17m 34s):
Don’t cast. Oh, brother, your stomach. You can’t see your feet when you look down. So you can’t talk too much. Amen. So again, it’s getting back to the Genesis is getting back to what brought you together when you don’t do that. When you don’t do that on a regular basis, you’re going to fail. You’re going to fail. So again, Facebook, definitely a, we have one more section to go. Please send your questions in and we’ll take it from there. All right. We’ll come back with 70. Number three.
1 (18m 6s):
Real raw with dr. B is brought to you by the total relationship trainer, a ministry of restoration Springs, interdenominational church, Hosea four, six says our people die for a lack of knowledge to that end. Dr. V has written 24 nationally published books on relationships, intimacy and theology. You can check out his library at dr. T C brentley.com. Backslash bookstore. If you or a loved one are in a difficult season in your life, marriage or personal situation, you can reach out to doctor B at area code (203) 753-7377 or via email at dr.
1 (18m 52s):
B is real@gmail.com. That’s D R B I S R E a l@gmail.com. Now back to your virtual relationship counselor, here’s more of dr. B. This is real raw. Read dr. B, I thank God for your support. Those of you who have been led by God to, to sponsor the program, the people getting information down the road. But thank you very much. It’s like having a virtual marriage, counselor, a virtual mentor, a virtual relationship coach, Hey, he’s right here.
1 (19m 29s):
And we come on to help you understand the power in your relationships. So here, our last segment is about again, affairs. It is really understanding, sir, ma’am after an affair there’s damage. Okay. And also when there’s damage from an affair, you’re like in a coma, a coma, like one of my counselor, he says she felt like I was a zombie.
1 (20m 1s):
You know, I cannot believe that my husband did that. I, I cannot believe this actually happened to us. I, I cannot believe that this issue has taken place. So again, there’s damage, there’s a mental coma. And sometimes the spouse who did not do the fair is a zombie. In other words, I don’t know where everything goes, so, okay. So let’s talk about how we get past this. All right.
3 (20m 27s):
All right. Now
1 (20m 30s):
It’s kinda gotta be decided. Are we going to work on it
3 (20m 34s):
Or we’re going to get divorced work or divorce?
1 (20m 37s):
I’m I’m I’m I’m I’m gonna put it out there. Okay. Now, if you’re not going to work on the relationship, please get divorced. Cause I do not believe in beating up your spouse because you are venting your frustration. Okay? That does not make sense at all heart. So I’m a beat on you. I’m a beat on you. You ain’t getting no Nicky. I said, no, you’re not getting no Nicki. You not, I’m not going to feed you.
1 (21m 8s):
Just don’t talk to me. Okay. Madam, Madam, please hear me loud and clear. That is not going. That’s not going to work. Okay. So if you’re going to have awesome divorce, but are you going to work it out, then work it out. Now you may see where I bought. Got to be. You. You got another passionate, you know, I got passionate because I’ve seen other than the, you know, however, her wrongs don’t make a right. Okay. Okay. Okay. So, so your spouse, whether told on himself or told on himself, or you found out, or the person comes out with their hands up.
1 (21m 44s):
Okay. Now the spouse who didn’t do the affair, cuts off their hands, cuts off their heads. Cause all the genitalia, Mel, that is not going to work, keeping watches. Now keeping the, the, the, the person who cheated in the prison makes you the aggressor now. Oh, you didn’t like that. Did ya? Well, I’m telling you, well, I don’t know how to deal with my pain while I’m telling you to do is your pain. You don’t make the person who did the wrong, a prisoner.
1 (22m 16s):
Okay? The person who’s done the wrong again. Now this is only if they are a contrite, they know they did it wrong. They didn’t want to do it your life all. Alright, so now they want to make a men’s. Now they want to go down the right road. Okay? So again, keeping them as a prisoner. I’m gonna say that again. Keeping them as a prisoner is not the answer, because if you watch this, Oh, if you keep your spouse as a prisoner, then guess what?
1 (22m 49s):
The fare will stay as it happened yesterday. You understand that because you’re not growing. You’re dying. Oh my goodness. Growing versus what? Dying. Okay. You gotta make up your mind and I’m going to help the relationship to grow or I’m going to keep killing it. Alright. The person already feels guilty. All right.
1 (23m 19s):
Okay. Okay. Also guys, hear me loud and clear. Gave me a lot of Anglia. You cheat on your wife, right? She gonna have a thousand questions. I’m sorry. 1 million questions. Okay. Your job is to tell the what truth. Okay. Now I teach women. I give them a certain time limit. Cause as I told one counseling, if you keep talking about the bad versus the good, we’re going to end up with the bad, you’re going to end up with the bad.
1 (23m 57s):
Why? Because that’s all you talk about. That’s all you talk about. You, you, you talk about the affair. You’re talking about what he did. He did. All right. So you’re going to stay in the bad. Okay? That’s not healing. All right. So how do we heal? Very good. You’ll call a counselor immediately. Okay. I ain’t trying to advertise. I don’t care who you, well, I do care who you call. Cause some people don’t know how to do nothing, but anyway, you call help. It don’t mean no, dang on.
1 (24m 27s):
Since then I said, dang on. They don’t mean no. Dang on sense that when you can’t fix your car, you call a mechanic in, when you cannot fix a certain part of your house, you call an expert in, well, why don’t you call an expert in to your relationship?
3 (24m 46s):
That makes sense. That makes sense.
1 (24m 49s):
That makes sense to me. Alright, but here you are. Y’all trying to fix something that you both are hurt.
3 (24m 57s):
Mad.
1 (24m 59s):
C’mon upset. I mean the list goes on and on. So you got to call in a third party. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. You gotta call in someone. That’s going to be call it down the middle, be honest. And I’m gonna say this real quick and y’all ain’t gonna like it, but deal with the Jesus’ name. Every pastor is not necessarily a counselor. Okay. Every pastor is not necessarily a counselor. Okay. I went to school for counseling. Okay. This is part of my, my quorum.
1 (25m 31s):
I I’ve written all glory to God, 24 nationally published books on relationship, intimacy and theology. So I have a background in counseling. I am a certified by the American association of Christian counselors. So I have a background. So every pastor is not necessarily a counselor. And plus, can I go there real quick? I will. Sometimes pastors will take that counseling session and preach over the pulpit shit, do that. Cause that’s not being competent reality.
1 (26m 3s):
You understand what I’m talking about? Okay. So call it counseling. And also you got to make a decision to heal. Okay? Now, now I’m gonna say real quick brothers, if you cheat it, I mean, I’m gonna tell you right now, it’s going to take T IME and you got to invest in it. Okay? You got to invest in that woman that you cannot deny, sir. You cannot deny Madam that there was no investment because watch this.
1 (26m 37s):
Oh Lord, I’m going to say this right? If you had invested correctly, you wouldn’t been nipping. You understand what I’m saying? <inaudible> y’all don’t know me. Your foul is wouldn’t be in the wrong place. If you wouldn’t invest it. Because if you invested in your wife, you ain’t got to listen. You ain’t got one Fallis I’m keeping the nights. Y’all don’t know me. I’m keeping the night. You only got one. You ain’t got five.
1 (27m 10s):
You only got one phallus. So if you are, if you are investing in your wife, if you are putting the time in, you know what I mean? When I putting the time timing, when you’re putting the time in, when you’re putting the time in you, ain’t got time, I got to stop by soccer or something called listen. When you putting the time in really, okay, watch this doing.
1 (27m 40s):
When you really go, go to work. And after you work, you’re tired or they want to do it. Go asleep. You don’t want to leave with an extra, extra duty. You won’t go asleep. Right? Cause you put your time. You were
2 (27m 52s):
Right.
1 (27m 55s):
When you go, When you, when you do that, good luck with your wife, you ain’t got nobody else. Cause you invested. So affairs usually happen because there’s no investment. Isn’t it funny to get her? You invest it.
1 (28m 26s):
Then after you got her, you stopped investing. No, you got to keep investing. Right? Because you’re trying to tell her how much you appreciate her. You’re trying to tell her how much you love her. Right? You’re trying to tell her how important she is to you, right? Cause you are what you investing. But when you’re not doing that, it’s going to, if you’re not doing it on a regular basis, then of course things going to fall down in a very bad place. So this is how to heal from an affair is understanding the damage. Okay. Is understanding something has happened that should not have happened.
1 (28m 58s):
Okay. Again, there is no justification for an affair zero. Got it. <inaudible>, there’s no justification for it, but again, you can not stay in that place because if you don’t stay in now, cause you stay in that place, you guys are going to die. All right. People hope you have enjoyed all the time of the day. And hopefully I, I hopefully started a conversation between husband and wives, spouses, significant others to really fix what’s going on in relationship.
1 (29m 31s):
All right. So thank you very much. And you’ll hear from executive producer hinder, the enemy has even more information. God bless you until next time.
0 (29m 43s):
Peace. Thank you for tuning into real row with dr. B, this show is a product of the total relationship trainer, a ministry of restoration Springs into denominational church. If you have any questions, comments, or topics to be discussed contact at dr. B is real@gmail.com. If you’d like to hear the show again, you can go to the real role with dr. B Facebook page. If you are being led to give and want to partner with us, donations are accepted via cash app at dollar sign RSIC 1997.
0 (30m 21s):
We also accept donations via PayPal at new rest, one twenty@yahoo.com for donations of $25 or more, we will send you an autographed copy of one of his books. For more information about dr. B, you can check him out at dr. T C brentley.com or on Twitter at coach TC Brantley and on Instagram at dr. Brentley PhD until next time be encouraged and to God be the glory worried about keeping up with your faith friends all summer or posting every perfectly pink sunset you see don’t sweat the connect you can have it made in the shape with four lines of unlimited data for a hundred dollars a month.
0 (31m 8s):
Scroll the stay-cation pics. Find a new go-to takeout spot or catch some rays on video chat, whatever you and the crew were into. All the data makes it all that much better smile. You’re on cricket, cricket core required on four lines. Data speed limited to three megabits per second. Cricket makes slow data speeds. When the network is busy, additional fees, usage and restrictions apply
4 (31m 27s):
Behind every company. There’s a time tested engine, keeping it moving after earning his master’s in accounting degree. Online from grand Canyon university, Isaac’s helping drive his client’s business forward by identifying efficiencies and building business models. He’s become a core team member, keeping clients on budget and ensuring their success. What do you think? Accounting careers look like GCU offers over 175 high quality online programs like this one. Find your purpose@grandcanyonuniversityvisitgcu.edu.
