Transcript Successful but Single
Transcript Successful but Single
1 (31s):
Welcome to real raw with dr. B, this nationally published author and pastor has made it, his life’s work to helping people strengthen their relationship with God themselves and each other with 25 years as a licensed counselor, coupled with his own life experiences, with the ups and downs of married and single life. It’s like having a counseling session right. In your own home. So without any further ado, it’s time for real raw with dr. B.
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Well, look at you.
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Yeah. Yeah. I changed a little quick. There’s a real role at doctor B and a where we come on every time to help you with your relationship with God, with yourself and with others. Because again, when you understand how things work, then you’re less likely to do things wrong. So the day subject is, why am I successfully single? But I’m still single.
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Why did I have all this wealth? Right? I got all this. Thank you, sir. I’ve I’ve I was wondering, I have all this wealth. I have all the, I have all these toys, Right? I’m very popular.
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Okay.
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Right. I got all these things, but I’m single and I don’t want to be single. So this podcast is going to be very detailed. You may not like we’re about to say, but why? Because the has to be now again, you want to be married. You, you, you want to be in a relationship, right? You, you want to find that person to be in relationship with, Okay. But again, you go on dates, you know, it doesn’t go too well.
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You know, after the fifth date, they drop off, you know, something is going on. Okay. Because you know, you have a desire to be married, have a desire to be in a relationship. And so things just keep popping off in a bad way. So, so let’s, can we go a little deep here? All right. So let’s first start with you. Okay. Have you healed? Okay. Did that, you know, there things that you may have used your money to mask.
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Yeah.
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In other words, you’re using the money. You’re using the things in your life to mask that, you know, eh, you know what, well, you know, I’m, I’m, I’m, I’m, I’m, I’m making six, seven figures now. And so you’re using things to mask something within you, right within you, that needs to be healed. There’s something within you that needs to be healed, healed
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Within.
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Okay. Then there’s something within you that needs to be healed. There’s something within you that has to be changed. That has to be a mood in the other direction. Why? Because you keep it, you keep going to a, what
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It is dead end.
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Now you’d be surprised. A lot of people are single and they don’t want to be single. You know why? Because you’re really good in judging other persons, But you don’t judge you. In other words, you, you you’re you’re you always, well, well, he was this and, and, and, and she was that, okay. You’re really good in knowing what was wrong with them. What are your issues now? Again, if you do not address your issues, all right.
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Okay.
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If you don’t address, what are things within me that I need to work on? <inaudible> if you don’t address. Okay. What are my problems? What about, what is the comment? Okay. Okay. Watch this word was the common thread. What is the common thread that is causing this issue in my life? What is the common thread that’s causing me to be in this place?
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Okay. What is the common thread of, okay. I’m not happy. The person with me is not happy and we break it off real quick. What’s the common thread we start out. And then after that third day, like, Ooh, let’s get out of here. I want you to be wearing me no more. Wow. There’s a common thread there because there’s an issue that has not been addressed. You are successful,
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But you’re lonely.
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You got all the, got all, you got the all bells and whistles. Right. But you’re lonely. And then what you do, well, you know what it, because of them, no, maybe it’s not. Maybe it’s you, but maybe it’s you, who is trying to be something that you’re not. I remember my mum, maybe there was an underlining issue, right? Underlining.
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Right. There’s a long underlining issue that has not been checked. It has not gone through the process of healing. It hasn’t gone through the process of chain. So it’s an underlining thing is it’s. There it is right there in front of you. It’s there. But again, you don’t want to, Oh boy, here we go. You don’t want to admit it.
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You don’t want to admit it. You don’t want to admit that. That was me. SI SI SI the mind from a counseling point of view can play tricks on you. Okay? Some of you don’t know this. So I will tell you a lot of times a Mujer, a helped me say the word correctly said of again. No, no, no.
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The guy who does magic and illusion. Okay. Let’s see EPS educated. I will never say losing this. He he’s educated. I’m not educated. Alright. So, and with whatever magician and an illusionist really is playing with your brain, a lot of people don’t know that he he’s easy. He’s using he or she is using the slight of hand to make you see something.
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That’s not really there. So he’s playing, he’s tricking your brain and you be surprised single, who is successful, that you are tricking your own brain. Okay. Now it is possible. Please, please hear me. It is possible to be successful, successful in business, but a failure in relationship.
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So, so, so dr. B tell me something. I don’t know. Okay. I’m successful in business, but I do terrible relationship. Why is that going on? Well, again, it’s understanding that there is a correlation between the two. In other words, if you’re going in relationship, always thinking, you know what? It’s going to be bad. It’s not going to work. You know? And, and this is very important. People who are very successful, they’re also very picky.
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Yup. I said it Piki Piki Piki Piki Piki Piki that didn’t eat you so picky. You asked for a five, a without the yolk and you got, you get one little speck of yellow in it. Really? Okay. It was a speck of yellow people. It was a speck of yolk and you losing it.
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Well, that’s probably why you’re why you’re successful, but you’re single. Cause you’re picky. Yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Don’t get me wrong. You know, we all got our, and I like this over there. We all got that. Yeah. Yeah. We all got that. I understood that. You like your cherry on the bottom now I understand that your spaghetti, the meat sauce has to be on the bottom.
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Not on the top. Okay. Okay. I understand. But guess what everybody don’t do. Don’t think like you think, and that’s one of the reasons why you are maybe successful, but you’re single. All right. We’ll come back and say pick number two.
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Real raw with dr. B is brought to you by the total relationship trainer, a ministry of restoration Springs, interdenominational church, Hosea four, six says our people die for a lack of knowledge to that end. Dr. B has written 24 nationally published books on relationships, intimacy and theology. You can check out his library at dr. TC brentley.com backslash bookstore. If you or a loved one are in a difficult season in your life, marriage or personal situation, you can reach out to doctor B at area code (203) 753-7377 or via email at dr.
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B is real@gmail.com. That’s D R B I S R E a l@gmail.com. Now back to your virtual relationship counselor, here’s more of dr. B.
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This is a real role with dr. Bri and we’re on the subject matter of single successful, but you don’t want to be single. Okay. So we talked about in the end about being picky and also, you know, your, your, your, your, your, your thinking patterns, you are successful in business, but you’re failing your relationship again, because of the way you think. Now, what happens with many successful people is that they bring some, or the crucial points of their strengths right.
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Into their relationship. Sometimes that good. And sometimes that’s bad. For example, I talked about you’re very detailed. Okay. Understand in your business, you are detailed. Okay? I mean, everything, you know, where everything goes, you know, you know where every screw is at, you know, where every, every bolt is that you are very, you’re very detailed.
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Got it. Okay. But if you take that same aspect, right? You take that same attribute aspect attribute to relationship. Okay? Okay. You may not have a long one and maybe that’s why you are single, or you may be married, but your marriage is like going up in flames. You know why? Because you take everything to an aspect. You take everything to a bad place.
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Take everything to something that’s not happy. Why? Because you’re bringing that mentality. Okay. You bring him that watches. All right. You bringing the business aspect okay. Into the relationship. And you can’t do that. Why? Because with business, you’re doing, you’re dealing with actual business. Alright.
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But in relationship, you’re dealing with the individuals. Yeah. You go, okay. Business doesn’t have emotion. Business does not cry. I met with somebody right now. <inaudible> business. Doesn’t want to vacation business. Doesn’t want to be taken out business. Doesn’t want candy and roses business doesn’t want lingerie.
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I don’t know why. Let it go. So business is different from individual. And maybe the reason why you are successful. My brother successful my sister, but you’re single is again, you’re using your c’mon. You’re using your business aspect and you’re bringing it into the audio relationship. You bring it into your individual relationship. That’s not going to work. And that’s why you don’t last long. Why? Because your business mind says, right.
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Your business mindset. If it don’t work, what’d you do cancel it out. That’s your business. Mind doesn’t work done. D okay. Well, well guess what? I don’t work in a relationship. It did. It did that. That no, no, no, no, no, no. Now, now here’s something that you can do in relationship from your business model. Can I tell you what it is? So that’s what I yeah. See in business. Okay. I’m using my business degree in business.
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You that cracked on me. You invest, you invest in your business. You, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you pay, you know, you just don’t take all the money and run with it. You do things to what reinvest you, you do things to put back into the business, right? You’re constantly doing that. Why? Because you want to grow. You invest to grow. Don’t you? Yeah. Well, in a relationship you got to invest to grow.
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Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. You are. So in believing of your business, you invested in your business, you put money into your business. And so your business is growing. Your business is doing more money. Right? Right. You’re you’re, you’re you’re you found ways to make money while other people could not find ways to make money. All right. So you invest it. You put money into your business and it grew, well, guess what? You have to what? Invest into that person.
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Yeah. You have to invest and see that’s the problem. You don’t think that person needs that investment or do I dare say the T word time? That’s another aspect that you can take from your business world to your legend ship. T I M E that person that you love, that person that you want to be with needs your <inaudible>.
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Right? If you’re not giving them the time, how are you expecting them to grow? If you’re not giving them the time, how are you expecting them to do better? Okay. If you’re not doing the time, did you did that? How do you spread the thing to grow? Okay. It’s not going to work. It’s not going to be good. Why? Because you’re not finding the time. Okay. You’re you’re, you’re, you’re you’re and it’s funny. You find time for your job, but you can’t find time for her or for him.
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It’s not going to work people. You can not work 24 seven. You cannot work 24 seven and expect to get a blessing that does not know will that work. It will not work. Why? Because what happens a lot, the work is really covering up. We talked about earlier, right? The work is really covering up. And when you cover things up, no. What happens?
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Things starts to grow, right? Again, we talked about the first segment, how, you know, you know, check yourself out first. Okay. The second segment that we’re talking about today is that there are certain aspects of the workplace that you can bring into the relationship investment in time, very important things, very important things. And last thing that you can bring into your relationship from your workplace,
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Passion,
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You are very passionate about that money. Ain’t ya? Ha Oh, mr. Benjamin. Yeah. We liked those Benjamin’s dollar, but the dollar bail. Yeah. I’ll take Benjamin over Andrew Jackson, right? Or Harriet Tubman. Maybe that happened one day. So, but, but anyway, I’ll take it right. I’ll take it because I’m passionate about the money. Alright. Well, you gotta be passionate about that lady. You gotta be passionate about that guy. Cause you’re not passionate. Maybe that’s why you are successful, but single.
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Yeah, you are successful, but single. Okay. That’s the name of this podcast successful, but single you, everything everything’s lining up, right? Everything is lining up the way you want them to line up. But again, you’re not successful. You’re successful with dollars, but you’re not successful relationship. Okay? You got all, you got all the things of life. You, you eat lobster every single day.
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Okay? You, I mean, you, you, you travel, but you travel alone. Why? Because there are things in you again, that is making you not find the person. And some of you, you know, let’s be honest. You don’t want to work for it.
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Isn’t it funny?
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You worked for the job, but you won’t work for the relationship. Oh, someone don’t like that. Yeah. Yeah. You will work for the job, but won’t work for the relationship. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes. I know making money is very easy. Got it. Very easy to make money. Very easy. And hopefully doing it legally. I’ll put that in.
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Okay. Very easy to make money. But because you don’t want to put the work in because actually Ali, you just lazy because the relationship, yeah. I’m calling you out. You just lazy. There is no input. The input you put into making the dollar. Oh, I’ll do a triple triple.
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Could I say something?
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If you know, it takes time to make money. I’m putting, I’m putting the word up again. If you know, it takes time to make money. It, they type of relationship. You know, dog day there. He didn’t, he didn’t have to tell him. I did yet. No, no, no. You weren’t in trouble. Double. You ain’t seen that person in five days Straight. You ain’t call you ain’t text. No smokes.
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No. Nope, Nope. Cold. Oh no. Maura’s cold. Come on. Y’all why are you looking at me? But y’all know exactly what I’m talking about anyway. No, no. Moore’s cold. How about this? You didn’t even rent an airplane to fly the sky. Say, Hey, I want a triple double, but I still love you. And you can afford it too.
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Oh yeah.
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Something’s wrong with that. Right? Something. Something is wrong with that. Okay. Why? Because you know, the time it takes for work, but you don’t take that same time for the loved one. That’s a problem. Okay. That is a direct problem that keeps you in trouble. All right. People will come back with segment. Number three in his book, single ladies get ready for your man. Dr. B teaches women on how not to settle for less than what they want in a future husband.
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It’s time to go from bridesmaids to bribe and very powerful book because it teaches women what to look for in a man. And what also to do while you’re waiting for a man, you can be assured you do not repeat past relationship mistakes by the, with God. And by reading this book, as you identify in God developed, you will feel empowered to stay in the ground on biblical principle while waiting for the man of God you desire. So this is a book it’s fairly, you were didn’t have a good father figure men, a lot of vitamin messed on you.
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This is a book to get
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Purchases of this book and all of dr B’s books can be made via dr. TC brentley.com and also Amazon, as well as Barnes and noble.com. And now back to dr. B we’re back, people successfully successful, but just single. We’ll get you, you, you, you, you you’re successful with your single and we’ll cover some very important points.
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Now, now one thing that we want to cover, that’s very, very powerful. And a lot of people don’t deal with it, but that’s what dr. Bill does real raw ladies, especially if you’ve raped or abused, you may automatically have an issue with trust. Okay. That is a major reason why you’re single, because you don’t know how to trust you guys, you know, have you had a former girlfriend or you had a loved one to take and mr.
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Misplace your trust, this maybe you do as well. Why? Because you have a problem in trusting and, and, and there’s no, there’s no other way of looking at this. If you do not trust the person that you were, ain’t going well, it is not going to go well, because again, you already have your, your guard up. Okay. So that’s another reason why you are successful, but single your guard is up. Okay. It’s like, you’re always playing basketball.
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You always on defense. Okay. And when you’re always on defense, when you always are on defense, okay. When you’re always on defense, nothing can get in. So, so this person does find you, this, this person does fall in love with you, right? Okay. But because you always on defense, nothing that the person does get sinned. Oh, Oh, you heard that. So they are trying to love you. They are trying to spend time with you.
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They are trying to make you feel special, but because you have your defenses up, right? Because your defenses are up, nothing gets in, nothing gets in, nothing gets in. And so your defenses are up you’re you’re you’re you’re you, you just have this mind frame that someone was attacking you, that someone doesn’t like you, that someone doesn’t love you. Why? Because your defense up. So, so the person is doing what you want. Hear me, right? The person is trying to love you. The person is trying to get close to you.
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All right. The person is trying to give themselves to you, but because of your defense, I can’t get in. And then you wondering what’s going on again? What would I say? My first segment? Sometime it is not. It is not the other person sometime is you sometime. It is you. You have this mind frame, you have this mentality. That’s keeping you from being in love.
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That’s keeping you from really understanding and examining what that, that, that should happen in your life. You are stopping, you stopped your own blessing or you’re sabotaging. Why? Because, because of the pain, because of the mischarge because of the past love did to you, you are stuck.
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You are stuck. I write that word down stuck. Or another thing that some successful singles do you compare, I’m taking my time. Write that one brothers. I’m a tell you right now, women. Don’t like you to compare them to one woman. You want her weed out. All of her.
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You want her to take off her fingernails and make them into daggers and all you want to become an angry person compare. Well, you know, you don’t, you don’t, you don’t hug me. My mother Gabel. See? So don’t compare when you do that comparison, you’re going to be in trouble. People. Usually you’re going to find yourself in a very bad place, and that’s not good for you.
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That’s not healthy for you. Okay? That does not put you in a place that you need to be at. Okay? You need to find, you need to say, you know what? I am not going to be in that place. I’m going to find another place. I’ve done the mind frame to being why? Because I refuse to be stuck. Now hear me. You got to get to a point where you say, you know what? If I want to be in a relationship, you know what? I’m going to do a serious inventory.
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I’m going to do a serious inventory of what I need to do. Why? Because when I do an inventory, I may find things. Not mine. Not, not may. You will. Right? You will find things that need to be adjusted. Right? You will find things that need to be moved into another area. Another part of the room, another part of your mind. Right? Right, right, right. You will move.
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But the key is, is that now here comes the being lazy part, right? Once you find it is the key. Now, once you find it, where you move it, Okay. Once you find that problem, once you find that issue, once you find the things that you know, that’s inside of you, will I move it? Or will I just leave it there? Well, I keep it there. And that’s where you really have to make that decision.
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Because again, the person wants to love you. Okay. Now, now I didn’t cover this in the first point, but I’ll cover it. Now. The key is, do you love you? If you don’t love you, how do you split the person? Love you. Does that make sense? That makes sense to me. If you don’t love you. If, if you don’t appreciate you, if, if you don’t have that common occurrence to say, all right, I love me then.
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How can you expect someone to love you? It’s not going to happen. People. Why? Because you are expecting someone to do something. Do you know, doing yourself? And you know, you’re not loving yourself. You’re not making yourself a priority. You’re not making yourself important. You’ll never embrace yourself. You’re always beating yourself up. You know what? You’re that person that, that, if they got an a minus, you got eight miners in school, back in the day you lost it.
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I got 80 minus. Can we focus on, you got a focus on C, C. That’s the problem. You’re so focused on the minus. You don’t see the a C again, you are so focused on the minus. You you’re so focused on the minus. Okay? I successful person. You. Yes. I know. You’ve been taught. Look for the details. I got it. I understand you look for the details.
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You look for the problem. You look for the issue. I understand. But in a relationship you got to understand is you got to the good with the bad. I’m sorry. Let me use my business degree. Again. Every, every business takes a certain amount of what risk. Every, every successful business takes a certain amount of risk. I’m sorry. That’s an every business model. How much risk can I stand now? Hear me loud and clear. If the guy’s a psychopath, we don’t take that risk.
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I’m the guy says, listen, you don’t know me. I’m gonna kill you. That’s risk. I’m not going to tell, Hey, okay. All alright. Well, well, you know, okay. 10 kids, but at seven different baby mama, but you going to be different. That’s risky sake. Well, my ex-husband he’s on parole. He come home tomorrow, but we’ll work correctly and that’s a red you want to take all so there’s risk.
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Every relationship has to date every, okay. The key is what risk is good for you and good for the person. Okay. But most importantly, you can say, okay, what risks are? What, what re again, what risk am I going to do? Deal with? Okay. What risk am I going to have in my life? As I deal with this individual? Okay. Again, a minus. Okay.
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Do I focus on the, a, I focused on the minus now, Bishop TD Jakes, a great speaker out of Dallas, Texas. Great. Is doesn’t do them justice at all, but I heard it from him. So I’m going to give him the credit. If, if he didn’t say it. Well, the credit 80 20 rule. Okay. 80, 20 rule. Now those are in your mouth, you know, 80, 80 plus 20. He goes, what? A hundred.
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Okay. So the 80 20 rule is that this person who I’m dating, do they have 80% of what I want
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<inaudible>
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SI do, do, do they have 80% of what I want. Okay. So if they have 80%, one, let them go for the 20. Okay? Okay. Get intelligent people. If I get the 20, I just let go of the what? Well, I didn’t get my 20 and I want my 20 really? Alright. So you want to sacrifice everything because you want your 20
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<inaudible>.
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So I like Popeye’s chicken and yeah. And I go to Popeye’s chicken and I want a chicken and I ordered chicken and fries and biscuit. If they don’t have the fries, I ain’t going to stall them or be mad. I’ll just go like, eat, buy chicken and Noah fries. You’re still going through this and that against you.
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Going through the conniptions. All right. You got the 80, you got the Popeye’s chicken. You got the box. That smells good. Lord. Have mercy about to smell. Good. You got the biscuit. Okay. They ain’t got the fries. You’re going to get upset because they ain’t got the fries. That’s only 20. Got the butter biscuit. Now. Now I’m talking about biscuits. Okay. Now you take the pop out biscuit and you take the red lobster biscuit.
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I really love the biscuit BJ every single time anyway. Okay. I’m sorry. Get back on track. Alright. So 80, 80, 20 of some of mine goes away, 80 20. So why are you so focused on the 20? You forget about the 80. All right. People. My time is up. I hope you enjoyed this successful, but single. All right. And be blessed and hope to see you on next time until
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Next time.
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Thank you for tuning into real row with dr. B, this show is a product of the total relationship trainer, a ministry of restoration Springs into denominational church. If you have any questions, comments, or topics to be discussed contact at dr. B is real@gmail.com. If you’d like to hear this show again, you can go to the real raw with dr. B Facebook page. If you are being led to give and want to partner with us, donations are accepted via cash app at dollar sign RSIC 1997.
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We also accept donations via PayPal at new rest, one twenty@yahoo.com for donations of $25 or more, we will send you an autograph copy of one of his books. For more information about dr. B, you can check him out at dr. TC brentley.com or on Twitter at coach T C Brantley and on Instagram at dr. Brentley PhD until next time be encouraged and to God be the glory
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