Transcript Should we stay Together For Kids sake
Transcript Should we stay Together For Kids sake
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Welcome to Real. Raw With, Dr be this nationally published author and pastor has made it, his life’s work to helping people strengthen their relationship with God themselves and each other with 25 years, as a licensed counselor, coupled with his own life experiences, with the ups and downs of married and single life. It’s like having a counseling session right in your own home. So without any further ado, it’s time for Real Raw with Dr B
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This is serving Dr. B and we’re back today again, and talking about relationships and texts and the people that for lack of knowledge and some who say, well, why are you always on why you’re always trying to help go with the scripture said it will be with, for lack of knowledge. So let’s talk about the subject real quick. And my subject line, wasn’t able to do the complete pain, but the complete thing is, should I stay in the loop? Should I stay in an abusive relationship with kids around me? The answer is, will be the answer in the end.
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Well, let’s think about it. You, in an abusive relationship with a man or woman who is constantly belittling you and let’s understand they ain’t doing it because they want to, per se, usually there are some childhood trauma that that’s keeping them bound in this mind frame that says that they are going to abuse you. They’re not gonna appreciate you. They’re not gonna love you. They’re not gonna do anything to encourage you. You say right? They say wrong. You say green. They say red.
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They are just abusive. They’re toxic. And some of you, the honest you saw it very clearly when the children were born. Yeah. All of a sudden you got kids that are all of a sudden, he turns into a Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Hyde, you know, you didn’t see none of that. You didn’t see none of this toxic behavior girl, you bragged about to your friends. Oh, this is the guy. He’s everything you told the boys, man, this is all of a sudden when the kids come with me in my bed and that’s because it happened to me because again, when you become married and when the kids come or children come, all of a sudden what you saw as a trauma as the child is re-triggered all the sudden.
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Now what you’ve gone through as the child that was never dealt with now, you’re going to regurgitate. And I I’m using that regurgitate. So why are you going to stay in an abusive relationship? Especially the person who doesn’t recognize. If he’s not recognizing he needs help, he’s not recognizing, or she’s not running in circles. Women y’all got issues too. Well, no, you don’t think I get you. So I mean, you change here every day, so you don’t have the issue, but, and it’s like, what can I do to deal with this trauma? Okay. Again, why are you going to stay in the situation like that?
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That is causing you pain and your kid’s pain. Now this is for the male and the female. No, no true parent is going to feed their child poison. Not in your right mind, not new, or the port will knock at your door. All right. So if you’re not going to do that to your child physically, why do it yay. Why do it mentally? Well, that’d be, you know, I’m talking to my family together. That is really not the true is it really is. Maybe because you don’t want the one to may. It will be embarrassed by your friends about the church family that, wow, I got divorced.
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And now you can’t sit in front of me in the morning. Now the kids in the back, you know what? You’ll see it on the earth. Doesn’t does not dictate your seat in heaven. You’ll get that tomorrow. Right? So the key is, is that, what are you going to do? Are you going to consistently take on this stream of toxicity, into your relationship? And you can consistently allow this pain to come in your life and stay there, and then the ramifications. So in other words, this person was toxin in your relationship. He or she is just again, regurgitating or giving out the pain. I know your kids are in there.
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I know your love, mommy and daddy, but deep down inside, you are recreating another scenario of pain. Now, again, every person, every parent works, the assault would not allow the child to be babysitted by the pedophile. No one in their right mind would do that because it’s bringing danger to the child. Yes, yes. Okay. I can not tell you. People in my office are dealing with childhood trauma that could have been avoided. If the parents had been more mindful and more diligent now, please, in a lot of glare, you could be the most diligent parent, right?
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And the most mindful parent and tonally still come to your child’s door. Okay? So this is no put off on you. And that does not at all. I’m just saying that if you know it, if you know what’s happening and mom and dad, if you are dealing with the trauma, I said, again, if you are dealing with the trauma and is messing you up, I got to sneak. And Villa has also mentioned that the child can see the reason why people are in an abusive relationship.
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Because again, for some of you, that’s all you saw. So you saw abusiveness, right? You, you, you, you, you, you, you saw the negativity, you saw the mom and dad coming in and out of home, like a, like a turnstile. I mean, you, you soft. So you used to abusiveness, come on. Let’s be honest. Did you not talk in the last one? So you saw this. So of course, because you saw this on a, on a regular basis, you have adopted it. Yeah. You have said to yourself, a psychologically, subconsciously not wrong, not wrong.
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My man kicking me not wrong in my man. Bring the whole two women at the same time. Cause that’s what you saw the child. Yeah. You saw your mother, your father deal with that negativity. And so you have just bring that into your family. Yeah. Like a stray dog. Now, in that sense, that’s not a good thing. Why? Because you are staying in a relationship that’s affecting you that eventually with destroyed, excuse me. Eventually will take you down because that is a abusive relationship. Now, some of you saying, well, I know that the Bible doesn’t want us to divorce.
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True, true. But we thank God for forgiveness. If God can forgive all the sudden and he does, and he can forgive all the sets for those who confessed sin. He can’t forgive him for a divorce too. But my large, very simple. I had to come to that conclusion myself, personally, that being in a toxic relationship, whether you caused it or didn’t cause it, and people are not changing. That’s not good because you’re staying in watches in the, okay. Maybe you didn’t hear the words. I’ll, I’ll spell it for you. A, B U S I V in an abusive relationship, you know, abusive as is not just physically.
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I do know that, right? Yeah. Abusive can also be mentally, right? No matter what you do with the person, not satisfied now in the midst of this COVID I don’t need COVID in my bed. Either. You give him and say, listen, you dealing with the new you’re dealing with negativity on a regular basis. I don’t think you need to feel that negativity or feel that pull on you when you go to bed. I just don’t think you need to do that. But how many couples are in an abusive relationship because you know, what is the stigma of being a divorced?
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It doesn’t do well. So you really being fate. Yeah. I see why my views adapt. But this one really being fake that, you know, it’s not working. The person who will not get a help, the person who does not recognize it, the person is not in a narcissistic, bipolar, whatever it may be. And they will not get up. Now, the dynamic where the person is getting the help on their abusive relationship. Then over time, it should get better. Not worse. Now the person is going to get help and they are not proceeding in the right direction.
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Then that tells me, maybe this will be the person who really is, maybe this is what they really are. But again, as parents, would you allow someone no matter who it is to abuse your child, the answer is no. So why are you doing it? You know, this is not working. You tried everything. And of course, of course, of course you asked God, the God we want him to do. Oh, Oh, he will answer sometimes. Yes. Sometimes no. Sometimes I will say, wait, but again, it’s finding out, okay, God, what is it you want me to do in this relationship?
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But Stay but okay. Okay. Can we, all right. So here’s the key, wherever the key, the key, the key is acknowledging, this is an abusive relationship. If you do not acknowledge, and some of you are like, Dr somebody like lawyers, you are explaining the way. Well, you know, there’s the bad guy. You know, I was sleeping and I punched myself really, really? You know that the bus is the bat. You know, I was biting my lip. I was sleeping. Real okay. Yeah. So, so, so for, for a change to take place, you must recognize the changes needed.
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But if you are not recognizing, this is an abusive relationship, then you’re not going to make a check down something like someone may say, well, Dr B what is an abusive relationship? I’m so glad to do that. The visceral relationship to me, very simple, something that consistently makes you know who you really are now see your marriage or relationship should take you higher, not take you lower. Yeah. Now I know it says a better for worse. And I do say that when I married people for better, for worse, the three survivors we have. So I’m only married to this dude is the girl for three 65 days. And it’s worth every single day. I mean, the sun never comes out.
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I mean, it’s never spring done since day one and count. It will be here. Some of y’all saw the signs before you load, you laid down with his brother all the way down with his sister and you still wanted them. You saw the signs, you saw the 5,000 girlfriends he’s gone through and the $5 boyfriends, she went through them. You saw the sign, but yeah, I live with him. No, you don’t know about your little Cray, Cray. You like drama. So guess what guess will not set your own dog, Mr. And Mrs. Drama.
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Right? So really to make this change, I have about three more minutes, left, three minutes left here. You all recognize that something needs to change. You do not recognize the change to change. Can not come again. If you do not recognize the needs to be a change, change cannot come. The one with them again, unless you verbally say, I need to change. Something needs to move. You will not make that move. You will stay who you are is that you will stay in this relationship. And lastly, you are enabling a person to beat on the lack of punching bag, where the physically or verbally you are accepting the punching bag role.
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Now I don’t know about y’all, but I don’t think you got married to the punching bag. Didn’t think that was your weight to come down the aisle. Then after I get married, I walked back down there. The punching bag. I don’t think that was your dream. Yeah, I, I didn’t, I didn’t, I didn’t think so. So people in a loud and clear do not stay in the visual externship, especially when the person is not trying to fix it. They don’t recognize anything. They just consistently abuse you and destroy you.
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And some of them enjoy it. They enjoy seeing you cry. They enjoy seeing you jacked up. They enjoy it. The problem is you are allowing them to make, you will allow to make you a spectacle. I don’t care who he is. I don’t care who she is, has to own down president on down. They do doing these things to hurt you sound for move or this, the doctor B hope you guys enjoyed us about what my email is. Dr
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B israel@gmail.com. My website is, was my website up Deborah dad. Dr T SI Brantley dot com. Some of my books, the things I do for my podcast. You’ll see that as well to set up a time, (203) 753-8777. Two of them are seven five three seven three seven seven offices. And whether it’s field Hartford, Hamden, Waterbury, as well as the virtual, alright, by the grace of God, I’ve written 24 nationally published books on the allergy, intimacy and relationship.
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There’s a bit of side of purpose of the doc. All right.
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Well, until the next time, please, thank you for tuning in to Real Raw With Dr be, this show is a product of the total relationship trainer, a ministry of restoration Springs into denominational church. If you have any questions, comments, or topics to be discussed contact at Dr. B is Real at gmail.com. If you’d like to hear this show again, you can go to the Real Raw With Dr Facebook page. If you are being led to give and want to partner with us, the donations are accepted via cash app at dollar sign RSIC 1997. We also accept donations via PayPal at new rest, one twenty@yahoo.com for donations of $25 or more, we will send you an autographed copy of one of his books.
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For more information about Dr. B, you can check him out at Dr T sheet Brantley dot com or on Twitter at coach T C Brantley and on Instagram at Dr. Brantley PhD until next time be encouraged and to God be the glory.
