Transcript Dealing with Cheating Spouse
Transcript Dealing with Cheating Spouse
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Welcome to real raw with dr. B, this nationally published author and pastor has made it his life’s work to helping people strengthen their relationship with God themselves and each other with 25 years as a licensed counselor, coupled with his own life experiences with the ups and downs of married and single life. It’s like having a counseling session right in your own home. So without any further ado, it’s time for real roar with dr. B, Oh my goodness.
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This is dr. B rear Raul with dr. B, where we help you become more connected with yourself, God and others. It’s, it’s amazing that many people are learning to deal with themselves because when you deal with yourself, then you can deal with other people around you. So hopefully you guys will send us your comments. Please hit like on Facebook or YouTube. Let us know that we’re being a blessing to you.
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Also sending your request to dr. Beg is real@gmail.com. And I thank God again for EAP minister, Henry being enemy who’s behind the scenes, doing great things. Also for those who are looking at this live, we’ll be doing a virtual book signing this Saturday from three to five. And also my website is <inaudible> dot com. All right. Our topic for the day cheating. Yeah, cheating spouses.
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Now this is something that is very hard to deal with because many couples are not dealing with this on a regular basis. They try to ignore it. Okay. They try to ignore what has happened. And when you ignore, ignore, ignore, there’s a buildup. Okay? And when you build up, there’s this hard exterior towards your spouse, or you build it. You know, it makes sense that that you building up pain because your spouse is not dealing with what he or she has done to you.
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And you’d be surprised how many spouses tell their spouse get over it. And especially the man, there is no getting, okay. Now, number one, you cannot get over a fair. If you still doing the affair, did that make sense? Somebody, men, it makes sense to you. All right. If you are continually to not be accountable, not love, not show appreciation on a regular basis. How are you expecting your spouse to heal?
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They cannot, nor will they heal because you are still doing the crime. So let’s try to take this time to go deeper into why the affair has happened. Now, again, I’m going to say this over and over again, because I don’t want anyone to go away with ignorance. There is no excuse. Okay. For an affair. No. Excuse. Okay. Again, I’m trying to teach you what I learned the hard way. Okay. I’ve I did things in my first marriage.
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I had no business doing it all because of my ignorance, because a lot of times what people will do, they’ll do the blame game. Okay. All the very manipulative. Okay? Okay. All these things are negative. Okay. You cannot be strong in a relationship. If you are cheating. If you’re not understanding that there are no excuses for cheating, there’s no excuses for saying, well, you know what? Because of this. And because of that, I did that.
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No, there is no hear me loud and clear. No excuse for cheating. That’s why, if something’s going wrong with your relationship and things are not right. That is your job to get help. Okay. So again, if things are not right, please get help. Okay. And it help us. Not another person. The help is not another woman or man in your relationship. I even heard a couple say, well, you know what? Let’s try three away.
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That’s not going to help at all. I’m taking that right now. Okay. And usually it’s the cheating. Spousal is suggesting. Let’s do open, read my lips now. So, so if there’s something going wrong in the relationship, then it makes sense to get help. Don’t we fix our cars. Yeah. I don’t. We go to the dentist. Yeah. I don’t mean go to the doctor. Yeah. So if we go to these points for help, why is it?
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So how do they head for you to say, let me go to and get help followship. Now let me, let me help. Y’all with the bill Clinton spirit. Okay. Let me help you with the bill Clinton spirit. Okay. Cheating can be by text person. Okay. Email. Okay. Definitely sexual. Okay. Okay. If you’re doing something with somebody that you don’t do with your spouse, you are having any emotional affair, usually for women.
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And I put this down a Cologuard guys understand that. Usually for women, it starts what? Emotionally. Okay. Okay. Saatchi. Most people for most guys, it starts with physically. Okay. So, so when the wife doesn’t feel, I am getting enough attention, I’m not getting enough affection from you. Then she starts having, Oh Lord, help me. Jeez, here I go. Again. I don’t believe in office spouses.
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Okay. I don’t know where that spirit came from. Okay. Well that’s my office wife. No, that’s my office husband. No watch said that’s my church husband, the devil as my church wife, the devil is a liar. Oh, okay. That, that right there is starting something to go on in your head and you’re going down a wrong road.
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All right. So again, it’s making sure you have buffers. Hear me buffers around your relationships to make sure because without the buffers, you will find yourself going to places that you shouldn’t be going. So again, the cheating spouse has to say, you know what? I want to fix this. Now the non cheating spouse has to get to a point and say, listen, if my spouse wants to keep cheating, it’s time to get off that road. Okay. I’m being very direct. Okay. He, he or she doesn’t want to get help.
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They don’t want to get the counseling. So it’s time for me to unhitch. Okay. It’s time to me. Let go. Okay. Because if you are with a cheating spouse and they are continuing to cheat, they continue to, to text. They, they continue to cup. The devil is a liar. Your spouse is not a dog. Okay. Well, make me maybe act like a dog, but he’s not a dog. And in other words, coming home, 2:00 AM in the morning. What, what come home 2:00 AM in the morning.
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And you tell your smile, your bed. Now ask where I’ve been. I, my ax, where you been because you are not being accountable. OK. Accountability is very important. Okay? Okay. If you are not being accountable to your spouse, okay? If you’re not being accountable to your mate, then you’re going to find yourself in some bad predicaments down the road. Why? Because the cheating spouse, the biggest thing that she can spouse doesn’t want to do, they want to be, they don’t want to be accountable.
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They do not want to have to be accountable to your mate. Now, again, it’s understanding that this accountability is important. If you want to make the change. Now again, it is asinine. It is crazy. It doesn’t make any sense. It goes against the logic for you to tell your spouse, all right. Get over it. And you still doing it. Can I say that again? I will. How can you tell your spouse get overruled? Who you, you, you just always hopping. Well, she’s always all, he’s always hopping on it because you’re still having the fragments.
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Or can I say you’re still having the DNA of cheating? Yeah. You’re you still have the chromosome. I’m going deep on y’all guys. You still were having the chromosomes of, so you doing this on a regular basis. That’s not going to help. That’s not going to take you to the better place. Alright, we’re coming back
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With segment. Number two, as we talk about the cheating spouse real raw with dr. B is brought to you by the total relationship trainer, a ministry of restoration Springs, interdenominational church, Hosea four, six says our people die for a lack of knowledge to that end, dr. B has written 24 nationally published books on relationships, intimacy and theology. You can check out his library at dr.
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T C brentley.com. Backslash bookstore. If you or a loved one are in a difficult season in your life, marriage or personal situation, you can reach out to dr. B at area code (203) 753-7377 or via email at dr. B is real@gmail.com. That’s D R B I S R E a l@gmail.com.
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Now back to your virtual relationship counselor, here’s more of dr. B.
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All right. People. We are back. Yeah, we’re back. We’re talking about a very sensitive subject of the cheating mate. Okay. They, they don’t want to stop. They want to be near ignorance are like, alright, now, now, now, now, now the only way I help couples, we’re cheating spouses that we gotta go back to the origin. Okay? Okay. Okay. What is the origin of what happened in our relationship? What really took place to start going right now for some of y’all y’all started immediately.
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Some of y’all started while you were dating. You were cheating while you are dating. So you’re cheating while you’re dating add, there’s a good possibility. You’re going to cheat while in your relationship. Now, again, is understanding where can we find the origin of what’s going on in this relationship? Where can we find a, the nugget that started things going back? And you’d be surprised how many people are doing relationships because of pain. Okay. No excuse. There’s no excuse for cheating. Okay. Repeat after me.
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There’s no excuse for <inaudible>. There is no excuse for cheating. All right. But a lot of times, men, especially because of a past relationship or things that they never dealt with, they don’t trust opposite sex. Please hear me loud and clear. They don’t trust. Okay. There is no trust. Okay. So, because they don’t trust the opposite sex, their brain says to them subconsciously I won’t trust another female.
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So, so what they do, they say, you know what, let me have this buffer, okay, okay. Let me have this buffer so that, you know, if I feel certain type of way, Oh, well I got exhibit number a. I got one in this city. I got one in that city. No, D that has to be a point where you say, you know what? I don’t want to continue this type of pain in my life. I don’t want to continue this type of mentality in my life. Because if I continue this mentality, now, now this is what cheating people don’t understand.
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Whatever you do, you are setting a seed. You know, you know, Christian Love talking about seed. You’re planting a seed in the garden of God. Yes. You’re planting seed, but also you can plant plant negative seed. Okay. You can do things that are not good. That will be planted, is going to be planted in your relationship. And that, from, from that planning, you have negativity. You have pain that you will suffer from down the road. I am a witness.
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All right. So, so, so again, you cannot use that. Excuse that. Well, you know what? Oh, Oh, EAP. They ain’t gonna like this either. It ain’t gonna like this. Well, she ain’t pleasing me. Okay. Okay. Yeah. She ain’t, she ain’t doing it magic. Well, guess what? That’s why you have a good sex coach. Hi, I’m a sex coach. Do that. That’s why you talk about faints. Okay?
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Okay. You talk about the menu. Okay. You eat here. I go eat. Be better. Pray for me. Okay? The way you will, how you deal with this issue is that, you know what? What’s on the menu. What’s on the menu. Okay. And so you talk about what’s on the sexual menu. Okay. But if you’re not talking, if you’re not converging, then someone is going to use this as an excuse. Again, they’re going to use it as an excuse to continue the bad behavior.
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Okay. And that’s what we’re trying to stop here. We got to stop. Okay. We got to stop the bad behavior. We got to say, this cannot continue in this relationship because it’s going to break us down. It’s going to destroy. It’s going to take away what God is trying to do, establishing the relationship, how this is going to take us away because you’re cheating. Okay. What is cheating? And so many words. Isn’t it really? Okay.
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Isn’t it really? What, what is it doing? It’s really what taken away. Okay. Okay. It’s really taken away. Okay. It it’s, it’s, it’s really removing what your spouse has you take. Okay. Okay. When I do that year, y’all know I’m about to say something. You are thief you a thief.
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You’re you’re you’re you’re you were, you were indirect fif, why you’re taking your love and you give them to somebody else. And, and, and, and guys, I hear you loud and clear. Well, she don’t do this, but she does that. Well, brother, you can’t be so greedy that you want me to take from all. Here I go. You’re going to take from one and get us someone else who doesn’t really have that much stock in you. They just passing by. Yeah.
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Yeah. Passing by. Okay. Okay. They just pass them. Matter of fact, some of them EAP, they ain’t ready for this. Some of them are really gonna blackmail you later on. Yeah. Yeah. I’ve seen it. Yeah. Yeah. Well y’all don’t know me. Y’all don’t know how I think C even pray for me.
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EAP is my executive producer. I said some of y’all getting cookies, but sooner or later you got to pay for those cookies. You think you’re getting Oreos. You think you get an Orioles for your charge. Oh, you do. Huh? Do you think getting those fake news for easy? You think you do? I’m telling you these cookies, these foreign cookies that you’re getting, you’re going to have to pay sooner or later.
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Am I right? Somebody? Yes. You’re right. All right. So watch this, watch this idea. I just say, yeah. So your spouse,
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They got cookies.
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Oh my goodness. Your spouse has cookies. Watch this y’all was EAP. David ready for me? Your spouse doesn’t just have cookies. They got cookies. The milk. They got cookie. The other spouse. I bet the other person thinking the cookies and milk did this. Got cookies. Y’all smell. Got cookies and milk CCC you over there. Other side of the town or another place in town. And you just do what you’re doing and you expect going to be all right.
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I’m telling you, you’re going to have to pay. So it doesn’t make sense to go all the way, all around town with the cookies in your own home. Not only do you have cookies, cookies, and milk. Y’all don’t know how I think. Y’all really don’t know how I hang. I don’t try to be so nice. And so why are you going somewhere else? And God forbid you getting cookies from somewhere else when cookies and milk are right there.
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Matter of fact, the cookies are so good. Praise. Oh, EAP don’t know me. EAP. They don’t know C, C the cookies and milk are so good at your house. But here were because you so full of pain. Come on. Somebody and anger. Alright, it’s blocking your thinking. Okay. Now watch it. If I want cookies and milk, you don’t make no sense to go all the way across town. Gotta sneak a, got to get another cell phone, or y’all got quiet on me that you gotta do all this stuff to get cookies by the tunnel, EAP, EAP.
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They don’t know me. By the time you’re doing the cookies. You’re tired because you work so hard to sneak it and to steal it. And you’re hiding your credit card. I’m gonna help somebody right now. You’re doing all of that stuff to get farming. Oh, am I talking to somebody? You get informing cookies foreign. They don’t belong here. Cheating spouse, mate. That’s exactly what you’re doing. Am I helping somebody right now?
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I did it. Did that. You don’t do that because after awhile, like I said, it’s going to be a payment. Okay. It’s going to be bad. So again, now also cheating spouse. You know how jacked up you are? <inaudible> you do it, but how dare your spouse do it? But I can’t. I can’t believe she did that. I can’t believe he did that.
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Oh really? Oh. How long have you been doing it? How long you been eating foreign cookies. You go over to that girl’s house EAP. I’m telling him, you go to that girl’s house and you bring a change of shirt. Oh, I got y’all. You bring a church’s shirt and then your wife said, your shirt doesn’t change. Well, what happened? Oh, the D C you lie.
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You lie. Listen, if your spouse, if you’re doing it, that’s going to affect your spouse. They know that they did that. And then you got this narcissism, right. Is narcissism that say, you know what? I can do it, but you can’t. Nope. There’s a problem with that. All right. We’re coming back with segment number three and a with dealing with a cheating spouse
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Purchases of this book and all of dr. B’s books can be made via dr. TC brentley.com and also Amazon, as well as Barnes and noble.com. And now back to dr. B,
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What’s up. Good stuff. You don’t like me. You don’t like me.
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I’m just trying to help you. I’m just trying to help you to understand that when you open that door.
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Okay.
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You don’t know what behind that though. Can I say that again? I, well, when you open that door, okay. When you open that door, okay. When you open that door, you don’t know what’s behind that door. You have no clue. What’s behind that door. That woman, that man said, Oh, I love you. X, Y, and Z. You didn’t all of that stuff, but you don’t know what’s behind that door. You don’t know the pain, the consequences, all the issues that come with it. And, but, but again, when you do this, you’re being very selfish.
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Okay. You’re being very selfish. He was thinking about you. Yeah. Do you were just thinking about your point, do you think about things that you desire? Okay. And you got to say, you know what? This is, this got to stop. Okay. Now, now, now, and this last segment. Okay. I’m gonna say some very strong things for the non cheating mate. Okay. Madam, sir. Cause it goes both ways. You got to say, you know what, when am I going to make the change?
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Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. You suffered long enough. Okay? You, this guy, this girl is getting STDs guys, you know, give you other children. Okay. And this person is so non feeling. Alright. So empathetic to you. And you don’t understand when you continue to stay with a cheating spouse, excuse me.
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It affects your thinking.
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Okay.
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And you’re not, if you’re not careful, you will go gray. Gray. Okay. In other words, you’ll go crazy. They’ll go. Yes. You will. Why? Because you’re saying what if I do this and I’ve had do that. He’ll stop or she’ll stop. No, it’s not about you have done. Listen. No one is perfect. All right. Can I say that again? I, well, no one is perfect. Okay. And isn’t it funny? The guy or the girl who is cheating, they’re expecting you to be perfect, but they’re not perfect in their actions.
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Oh, he’s in that deep. I think it is. I’ll say it again. Here you are. The person who is cheating is looking at you and telling you all the things you’re doing wrong. I’m going y’all, don’t like me today, but I’m telling the truth here. They’re telling you all the things that you are doing wrong, but they not recognizing wrong. I see a prophecy. I see someone that is looking at you, but not looking what at themselves.
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Okay? Okay. That, that has to change. Okay. That has to change. And one thing I tell the non cheating spouse, you got to get ready to live. Oh, I feel a priest coming on, but I’m only doing counseling today. I feel like I feel a preach coming on, but I’m only going to do counseling today. You got to, you got to live. Why? Because if you don’t live, this person will destroy.
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You. You owe EAP rave for this one. EAP. You are so used to vomit from your spouse. You drinking it daily. Okay. Now, now, now I want this so visual that you guys get it. No one EAP in their right minds are going to drink vomit. No one in their right mind. Ooh, let me get a cup of vomit, please.
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I behave by myself here. I said, okay, no one does that. But because I’m counseling because of a years. Okay. And excuses of cheating. You drinking. Mommy. I really want someone out there to really understand this cheating mate has made you drink vomit. Why you accept their points?
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You accept what they are doing as if it’s right. You are accepting. Oh, well, if, if I leave him how this is going to work and you know, how are we going to live? You know what? There’s something about your self worth. Okay? Okay. You gotta have a self worth. My sister, my brother, you gotta have a self worth. Say, you know what? I will not stand by this.
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Okay? I cannot stay in this place and expect to be blessed. You’re not going to be blessed. Do you get your yacht? I know this is helping somebody because the church hasn’t talked about this, right? <inaudible> I cannot tell you how many pastors have given bad counseling. Say, you know what? A sister, you need to have a better self worth. Yes. Did he have a self worth? But pastor sit there doesn’t need to sit down.
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Did that, that, that, that, that, that, that brother need to sit down. That, that, that, that sister needs to sit down. If they are continually to cheat and listen, there is no excuse for that, that there are people out here like myself as a counselor, as a sex coach that will help you get over these issues so that you can stop the cheating. And for many of you, let’s be honest. For many of you, you learn from your father, you learn from your mother, they were rolling stones.
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They did things that were not right. And so you have brung that spirit. Yes. You have brung that spirit into your home. You have brung that mentality in your home. And what I’m trying to tell you that you got to stop doing that. But again, back to the non cheating spouse know yourself worth. So you know what? I’m not gonna do this no more. I’m not <inaudible>. And for God’s sake, Lord, Jesus, God say, do not write this down.
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Do not beg, please stop cheating. What really? You, you, you you’re begging him to come home. You, your, your, your, your, your, you becoming a stalker. Oh, how about this? You are, you are so drinking so much vomit. You attacking the woman. Why are you talking to a woman for? She said, she know your man is married. No, no, no, no. You need to attack that, man. Now don’t do no Bibles on him.
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You’ll know what Bobby says, right? That’s great. Look it up. Helped me when you take somebody. Who’s exterior. Okay. They’ve got function. Okay. No Bobbitt. Nope. No. Bobbitt’s two wrongs. Don’t make a right. You’re chasing the person. You can’t sleep. Okay. You can’t function. Okay. Because this person has cheated on you. Okay? Okay. How long are you going to be a part of this?
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Okay. How long are you going to accept what this person do to you? How long are you going to drink? Again? I I’ll get, I really want you to understand what’s going in here. How long are you going to drink? Okay. The vomit. Okay. Okay. How long are you going to be in that mind frame? They said, you know what? This is something that’s happening to my spouse. Oh, EAP. Here I go again.
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Why? So having sex with him? Why, why You are not in competition? This other person, maybe DP there. You ready for me? This guy is double dipping.
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Why are you allowing this person to double dip? So he’s at her house in the morning and your house at night. Why are you allowing the double dipping? No. Double dipping. No up, Oh, pig. No zero. You allowing this brother to double dip and he liked show. I know she knows. I’m cheated. She know I’m doing wrong.
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And so he’s going over the yellow house or I’m trying to be nice. He go to the yellow house to get his appetizer. And y’all, don’t like that. Get his appetizer and his man called. And he comes home to you for the dessert. The devil is a lie brother. Everything. You gotta have the whole menu, the whole meal at this one house. Am I making sense? Somebody again, see, this is real people. That’s why they call me real raw. Dr. B, because I’m keeping it real that you are allowing this guy.
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You’re allowing this girl because it go both ways. Now, women, I’m gonna tell on you on women. I’m gonna tell on y’all. Let’s see. Let’s see. Wait a minute. Stupid. We get caught. Y’all women. Y’all little slick. Ooh. Yeah. Y’all y’all y’all little, little undercurrent. Yeah. And I hate to say this, but when a wife cheat Deep.
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Nah, I’m not saying when the man, she ain’t deep, but when the wife G Ooh law, you know why? Cause sometime men don’t know for a long time. Should I say it? EAP? The baby do look a little different. The baby dude, different. The wife said, Hey, that’s yours, but deep down. That’s yours brother. Whoa, that was a deep one. And that day I’m talking real raw people.
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Well, he got one side of your nose. What? One side of a nose looked like me again. The wife sometimes real, real slick with it. Again, both male, female. If you are in a relationship, you know, and you’re cheating. Why are you doing it? No, no. The best thing to do. Just leave each other alone. Okay. Okay.
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Okay. If you’re not going to be real okay. With that spouse or that loved one. Okay. Why continue the line? Okay. Because you’re going to be alive and like it, it’s funny. Some y’all are looking at TV screens and saying, looking at personalities. Oh, you lying. You lying. But look, what are you doing? What are you doing? God, tell you something, brothers. You know, I did a lot of wrong things in my first marriage. And I’m gonna tell you one thing.
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There is something about going to bed and not worried about a negative phone call. It’s a beautiful thing. It’s a beautiful thing. Your wife can look at your phone while you’re sleeping. All. She don’t see nothing. Wife is a beautiful thing. I mean, you all there looking all beautiful. All fluffy Lord have mercy looking all. I’ll keep it. Nice EAP looking all his crutches and your man just have look at your phone.
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And he S and he sees nothing but pictures you about to send to him the next morning. Good Lord. Help me. I felt my anointing coming. Okay. I better leave that alone. All right. All right. I hope you guys enjoyed cheating mate, and learn something from it. Again, EAP will give you more information about this
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Podcast. Hope you will bless, and until next week, peace, thank you for tuning in to real row with dr. B, this show is a product of the total relationship trainer, a ministry of restoration Springs into denominational church. If you have any questions, comments, or topics to be discussed, contact at dr. B is real@gmail.com. If you’d like to hear this show again, you can go to the real roll with dr.
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B Facebook page. If you are being led to give and want to partner with us, donations are accepted via cash app at dollar sign RSIC 1997. We also accept donations via PayPal at new rest, one twenty@yahoo.com for donations of $25 or more, we will send you an autographed copy of one of his books. For more information about dr. B, you can check him out at dr. TC brentley.com or on Twitter at coach TC Brantley, and on Instagram at dr.
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Brentley PhD until next time be encouraged and to God be the glory.
