Transcript Marriage Sex Ministry

Transcript Marriage Sex Ministry

 

 

0 (0s):
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1 (27s):
God bless everyone. Marriage Ministry work. Ministry webinar. We’re here another, another month. And we’re here with coach Porsche coming right back. And we’re here also with a Pasco Terry and an attorney. We are praying for the colleagues and there’ll be back hopefully next month. How will the apostle and attorney doing? We’re doing pretty good. Great, great. Right before we go into the, to the webinar.

1 (1m 9s):
I’m sorry. How was my lovely love? My lovely wife doing I’m doing well. Thank you. Before we go into the show journey, please tell people about your new book. Oh, thank you. I have the release of my memoir. My second memoir actually is titled trapped in plain sight, the unfamiliar face of human trafficking, and it’s going to be a pre-launch party for the book on January 29th at 8:00 PM. We have some special guests, some celebrity guests, and also some giveaways and still taking pre-orders for the book.

1 (1m 54s):
So if you would like a pre order, you’re going to receive a special gift. And so you can go to Mary Kay homes.com backslash track to pre-order and I’m going to celebrate the release of it. And then when the actual virtual launch date is going to be set, we will probably be, probably be able to announce it at the pre-launch party. We are very, very proud of you, apostle. I know you probably of your lovely wife. We look, we expect great things and we want to be there. We want to be there again and again, we are encouraging you to give us your comments and we’ll let it flow for about an hour and take it from there.

1 (2m 47s):
Things will flow. So, so give me some pointers. I’ll go first and second, I think connection is very important in because when you don’t stay connected, then other things Others can come in discord with your wife, all your significant other, this webinar is definitely for, for Marriage people. Again, as time goes on, we’ll private segmentation for Spangles Sex with other people, but just for married people, because so many marriages are not working out because people are losing their connection as time goes on.

1 (3m 33s):
Apparently.

2 (3m 37s):
Yeah, I think that’s, I think that’s very important. It’s very poignant because, you know, obviously when, when two people get together and they get married, there, there was a connection. There was a bonding, there was a tie and many times throughout the course of time, a disconnect happens. And it’s so subtle many times that you don’t even realize that, that there is a disconnect. And so it’s important, I think to, you know, to have checkups, you know, amongst yourselves and, you know, to stay connected to one another, because you know, with, with, when things go wrong in a machine or a computer, many times, they say it’s operator error, you know, something’s not, something’s loose, something’s not connected properly.

2 (4m 32s):
You know? And, and so I think it’s important for, for married couples to have, have regular checkups, you know, assessments of themselves and so forth and so on because time guys, time goes by so fast and you can start, start to just exist with one another.

1 (4m 52s):
Hmm. I think your point is, is, is very powerful because you don’t do the checkup. You easily go into the housemates lovers to, cause they know that disconnect is there for me. Maybe if we’re too busy, if we’re getting too busy and, and, and the communication just a bit, that could be an indicator.

1 (5m 36s):
Another one is if we’re not check any very lightly and then definitely every three months, there’s the check-in that we do. If we’re not doing date nights, that’s definitely a disconnect. Or, you know, for me, if I don’t see that level of respect, then there’s definitely, well, you know, thank goodness that hasn’t happened for us, but just, just indicators and just going and going back and looking into, you know, the experience of it.

1 (6m 31s):
So those things are, are, are really big for me.

3 (6m 37s):
I agree with all of that, just to kind of even take it a step further, just thinking about like the disconnect portion. I think that like, when you, when you stopped communicating, when there’s like a break in communication, when you, don’t not so much to just the stop and communication, but when you stop feeling comfortable, communicating certain things, that is a clear sign, that there’s, there’s a disconnect there. When you feel more comfortable opening up to someone else when, when you feel more comfortable with an outside source and it doesn’t have to be even someone of the opposite sex, it just, any time you feel more comfortable, especially with some of those deeper issues or concerns, when you feel like you can’t express that to your spouse.

3 (7m 29s):
That’s that to me is a clear sign of a disconnect. And another thing when you don’t feel as if, if you don’t feel comfortable on your own house, say for example, if someone, if, if one of the spouses, if a spouse feels like they cannot be themselves, or they feel like they can’t do the things, if they feel more comfortable, if they feel more at peace or safer alone than when, when the spouse is around, that’s another sign of a disconnect and there was something else that Porsche, you mentioned that really, that, that was really good. I think it was along the lines of, Oh my goodness.

3 (8m 9s):
Oh, it was so good. It’ll come back to me. But I think what my husband said, you know, as far as even the troubleshooting, like when, when does the operator error and you, you know, that usually it’s something that’s been disconnected troubleshooting, I think is so key because like, if something, if the toaster breaks down or, you know, you know, the microwave or the TV is not working the way it should, you know, we go to the, the manual, we go to the operator manual and we start looking through it. Many of us don’t really read the manual. We will just go straight to the back where there’s the troubleshooting options. And I think it’s, you know, if we’re going to try to skip the manual, so to speak, if we’re going to try to skip over what we know works, and we want to just start troubleshooting things.

3 (8m 52s):
I think that sometimes that it might work. But I think that really having that maintenance, having that ongoing maintenance of therapy therapy is not just for the beginning of the Marriage or pre-marriage so to speak. I think it’s important for people to have, have ongoing therapy, even if things are going great, because maintenance is great. You know, one of the things I love about having a luxury vehicle is that it doesn’t require, you know, a lot of, a lot of bigness, but when it’s time to get that service, you know, service a, a service B, it costs a lot. But you know, when you have that ongoing maintenance I think is, is so key to preventing the disconnect,

2 (9m 42s):
I think we’re turning possible. She said something very, very important as far as being able to communicate with one another and not feeling, you know, not feeling like you can’t express or can’t be yourself around, around your mate. I think that’s very important that I think what that speaks to is a safe environment. And so, you know, there’s, there’s no reason that a married couple who are supposed to be one should feel like they’re too, you know, so I think, I think, you know, even going into a marriage, sometimes things are not disclosed because of shame.

2 (10m 32s):
And then when you get comfortable, you, you reveal, you know, that part of you and the calls that part of you may not have been revealed prior to the marriage. Now there’s an element of surprise, right? I didn’t know that about them. And, and so that, you know, these are things that can call us, you know, distortion, you know, in, in a managed, but again, you know, maintenance, it should be an easy fix. And the other thing is w when we’re talking about maintenance, maintenance, it’s, it’s, it’s crazy. How, if we have a flat tire, you know, I was driving today this morning and I saw my gas a little low, and I just said to myself, don’t wait for the light to come on to get gas good.

2 (11m 19s):
You know, and, and that just spoke volumes to me, how we will drive and drive and drive. And then when the light comes on, we’ll drive and drive and drive, until we go into panic mode, you know, you know, hoping that we make it to a gas station when the indicator went off, you know, long before that come on. And I think that there are, there are signs and indicators, you know, even in a Marriage that will go off long before you will have to, you know, go into panic mode to, to save, you know, the Marriage or it gets stuck somewhere. Right. So I think, you know, there’s a lot, there’s a lot in this With with regard to communication, with regard to just feeling safe, you know, like there should be no shame.

2 (12m 9s):
You know, the, the, the, the Bible says that Adam, Adam, and Eve, they didn’t know that they were naked. You know, there was no shame. There, there was no uncovering there, you know, it was not until there was a separation, it was not until there was a disconnect with God once Shane came in. And so when, when, when, when there’s a disconnect, you know, between a couple that that’s when the embarrassment, that feeling like I spoke to this person, but I could talk to that person. And the reason why that you’ll feel like you can talk to a person over here is because you know that they’re not going to judge you. And that should be a thing in the Marriage that there’s, no, it should be a judgment free zone, a safe zone.

2 (12m 55s):
Like you’re talking to a therapist, the, the, the,

1 (12m 58s):
We got a pass to your point is quite, quite powerful. Because again, when God made Adam and Eve, you said correctly, they were naked and not ashamed. So, so the nakedness of a couple is not just physically. What is your emotion is sexually it’s sharing thoughts. It’s telling your wife, your family, telling your husband is bothering you. And you are, you will be building up and building a business because subconsciously when you’re not sharing all of these things, you’ll need to share it with your spouse.

1 (13m 44s):
You really sabotage keyword, sabotage relationships. And again, when you sabotage religion here, what are you doing? You cannibalize, you are the one who was around a parasite to come in and suck out what was there. As you said correctly, there were the connection that will connect with that will make them want to get married. Something would there. But I see it as a therapist of mine because of kids because of luxuries, because whatever you start now, this is very important. If you’re not careful, we connect to something.

1 (14m 26s):
The key is what are you connecting? See, see, that’s what couples on the screen is that you’re going to connect to something. The thing is, is that when you become married, you must always, of course, connect to God stories. Being to your spouse comes above two parameters. And when they do, that’s the argument, that’s when the anger that’s when the disconnect and comment,

3 (14m 53s):
Right. That’s exactly that, that reminds me. That’s what, that’s, what Portia said that I thought was so key. She, she mentioned disrespect. And so that that’s a clear sign of a disconnect. When you, when you stop, like, my husband always eat, Terry will say, you know, yet when he, he, when he counsels couples or when he pitches, Marriage when he talks about marriage and the church, he’ll talk about being kind to each other, being a gentle being, you know, having, having that softness towards your spouse. And I think it’s easy to move into disrespect or disconnect when you don’t, when you’re not gentle with each other.

3 (15m 39s):
And if there’s that harshness like, like it reminds me of like, with kids, like I’m from the South. So in the South we were raised, we say, yes, ma’am no, ma’am, you know, that’s how I raised my kids. Yes, ma’am no ma’am. And my philosophy was always, this is easier to go from. Yeah. So what, so who you talk, you know, it’s easy to go from. Yeah. To what than it is the gold from yes. Ma’am no ma’am to what there’s a levels. And so it’s easy to go into a disrespect when you’re not used to being gentle with your spouse.

3 (16m 19s):
If you’re used to, you know, like barking at them and in little ways that can transition into a greater disrespect. And so when there’s that kind of environment, it can become, it can easily become toxic. And that can, and then unfortunately, I mentioned intimacy right up that she mentioned the disrespect. I don’t know if you met disrespect and intimacy or disrespect and intimacy, but that can eat. That will boil over into the bedroom where, you know, if you don’t feel safe, if you don’t feel comfortable, if you feel on edge, if you feel like you’re always bickering, that’s going to translate into your intimacy.

1 (17m 1s):
Good apostle. No, go ahead. I’m good. You know, it’s very powerful that people don’t understand is that what you do outside the bedroom creates a bedroom. I mean, if you’re rude, nasty, whatever you did in the beginning, and then you bring that negativity into the relationship. When I started dating Porsche album, the door for her, well, you know, we’ve been married, I’m still open the door for you because I am still doing the spraying things that got her attention about Christ. Right. But what happens with couples? They get lazy, especially men, they get lazy that, and when they don’t do that, you fail because they only do it.

1 (18m 1s):
And it’s really not. Like sometimes delivery is born in people and sometimes it’s learned, right? And sometimes men are just, I will say, people are trying to consider the enough to do these things. So sometimes if they stop and say, what can I be? Can I be honest? I will. A lot of men just do stuff. So they get an opinion, that’s it? No, I put what I teach in a government marriage, counselor, is that whatever you did, if I have something With with Porsche, I lower my voice purposely.

1 (18m 48s):
I have a preaching. Thank you very much. If you see a possible Terry pre a voice, like crazy, even more powerful, powerful, powerful, or just near the possible anyway. So the higher it goes, people just forget what it was to take. You know, why do people started with a job?

1 (19m 28s):
Very looking, very good, but as time goes on, they themselves, they get lazy and then you get fired. What you are good. You stopped doing what took you to get the job in the first place. That’s where people lose out. Right? All right. I’ll have a comment here. It says, do the strain thing. Maybe with that, for me to read Baldwin, Muhammad, she said, she, the same thing that got her or his attention during courtship, some people do and just get the person, but maybe that was not who they really are.

2 (20m 9s):
Honestly. I, I think that sometimes we just get comfortable when you get, when you get comfortable with people, I think you mentioned I’m lazy, but I think when you get comfortable or common, comfortable, I think is a better word. You can just, you know, you can just forget to keep doing these things. They are, you know, like for instance, at, at one point, you know, my wife would just sit in the car and wait for me to open the door. And I, you know, I think, I think I’m a kind person. I think that I’m a gentle person and, you know, I would do that, but there were times that I would forget, but every time like she fixed, she fixes me food, you know, all day, you know what I mean?

2 (21m 4s):
Like breakfast, lunch, dinner in between. And every single time she makes a plate. I say, thank you. You know, because, because I’m just appreciative of that. And so are they, they are, there are some ways, there are some ways that may stick out where other ways, you know, some people will do. Some people just do just have the mindset to just bag them. You know, once, once they bag a woman, you know, they had done, but that that’ll come out. But I, you know, I would be careful, you know, I would be careful to, to pick little things apart, if you understand what I’m saying, and I would stick with like really being kind and gentle towards one another, you may not have a gentlemen.

2 (21m 53s):
You know what I mean? You may not have the guy that, that opens the door for you, but yet he treats you with kindness. You know what I mean? You may not have the guy who, you know, will make sure that I don’t know, pick something, but he’ll make sure that you won’t slip on ice. Right. He’ll make sure your, so you know, it, it can kind of go, you know, you have people out there that, that completely change once they get married. I mean, I have seen where people completely change. They go into me, Tarzan you, Jane. They go into a little bit online and all those different things.

2 (22m 33s):
And you know, and that’s a tough one right there. But, but for the most part, you know, I think some people, they just, we just get to, we forget to stop dating. We get married, but we forget to stop. We forget to stop dating. You know what I mean? Always tell people when they get married, don’t forget to keep dating. Yeah.

3 (22m 57s):
But I, I’m sorry, go ahead and say, I, I agree that for some people, it was never in them in the first place. No. Cause cause some people, I think, you know, the point was made that, you know, some people will do what it do, what they need to do to get, you know, you said it, I think Dr. Brantley said it. I think Porsche, I think you said it too, you know, it’s, it’s a, it’s a means to, it’s like, okay, look, I’m doing this because I’m trying to get the woman. And there, you know, it goes both ways. You know, there are some things that women do to, you know, say, for example, dating the woman might, you know, be shipping it up.

3 (23m 40s):
You know, every time he go over to her house, everything’s Christine wipe down clean and you know, not a spot nor wrinkle. And then Yeah, married. And it’s like, you know, I was going to say something, but I’m not going to say it, but you got trash everywhere. Clothes thrown all over the place, laundry piling up, got a beg, the cooks up. So it goes both ways now. So I think that some people, it was never in them in the first place, because if you can’t sustain something, if you can’t continue to do it in the Marriage, don’t start doing it before you get married.

3 (24m 22s):
I learned that somewhere along the line. I’m so glad that I learned it because before we got married, you know, if I, if we was a, you know, someplace and say, for example, I remember one time we were at this place where there was like a, like a buffet style breakfast. And so I got up and I made his plate first and, you know, brought him some food. And he looked at me and he was like, like, wow. Cause you know, I got ’em, I got ’em some waffles or something. And I poured the syrup off and put the butter on it for him and for the syrup that’s money. I know I buttered it up and so on.

3 (25m 4s):
And so he was surprised and he was like, wow. And so when, now that we’re married, when I make his breakfast, I fix everything for him. I do everything so that he doesn’t have to, all he has to do is eat. And I will say sometimes I once myself, it must be real nice sometimes to just sit down and have food just magically appear before you, every single day, every like clockwork, you know, your, your King. Yeah. No, I mean that you are King, you deserve it. But I wonder like, what is that like to just have just magic here in front of you and all you gotta do is eat it. I mean, it’s how wonder what that feels like.

3 (25m 45s):
But I like doing that for him. I like making him feel like a King because he is so I like catering to him. But my point is is that if I couldn’t continue to do that, I would have never employed. I would have never showed him that and get his hopes up. So for those that are not married yet, if you can’t continue doing it after Marriage stopped doing it, like just, you know, you do it every now and then maybe, but don’t keep, don’t do start any routines that you can’t continue. And I think that’s why a lot of times people get messed up when we have premarital sex too, you know, God, he’s not trying to stop our fun.

3 (26m 26s):
He’s not trying to interfere, you know, but us enjoying life, he’s trying to keep us out of trouble. He’s trying to keep us from some drama. And a lot of times we will swing from the chandelier, his and do all of this stuff. When we, you know, they get married and now you want to be, you know, all, you know, nothing now. So, so what I’m saying is the people that mess up in that area, unfortunately, that’s another thing that will trip us up. So, you know, keep that stuff contained and let it build up so that, you know, it will be like the soda bottle that’s shaken up. And then when you’re ready to, you know, get married, you know, top the, off the top, so to speak, let you know, get that all of that energy out.

3 (27m 11s):
But anyway, I didn’t mean to go to here, but what I’m saying is that don’t start doing something, don’t start a routine that you can’t continue.

1 (27m 19s):
It definitely holds heartedly agree with that. I know for myself, I’m not the person that’s going to get up and cook all day every day. That’s just not me because people that do it, but it doesn’t wrap around and say the things that may, that you do otherwise, you know, every couple of, kind of have their own, their own things that they do, like gratefully enough where we’re in a different stage. So we get the benefit of both packages. When I go to Tim’s place or our place where he lives, he creditors to me when he comes to my place or our place, I cater to him.

1 (28m 9s):
So it’s kind of like, we get the best of both worlds. So girl getting dinner or breakfast or lunch is really nice to try that. Yeah.

3 (28m 24s):
We have an N we’re going to have our personal chef. I unbelieving, I’m going to be so wealthy. I’m going to have a personal chef. Cause I want to know what that feels like.

1 (28m 36s):
Yeah. That’s what he wants for me. I eat salmon and salmon and salad or salmon and sometimes a vegetable or something. So I’m easy him. He’s, he’s a little more, he wants to do a little bit of everything. So, so, so I’m going to confess something. So kinda like three weeks ago I was wearing and my wife said to me and my wife, wow, I really liked that. And so I didn’t get mad at it. I think it was just, okay, I was doing this, but I forgot about me.

1 (29m 19s):
And so now I’m very cognizant smell good, but just like, don’t make it too loud. But again, and say, you know what? You forgot to do that. And, and back to your point, I cannot tell you how many weddings I’ve when the husband comes to me and says, doc, my wife looked good. We can have weddings every week at the wedding, she’s dressed down mini skirts, push up, sag it all down so that, you know, you fail to forget that.

1 (30m 10s):
What was it that I did for her? Or what was it that did for him that made us feel special. Because again, I forgot who said it, but you can tell a couple by how valuable they are in your spouse and value or your husband and wife respectfully that will never, ever call it a disruption. But as soon as you stop that value that this woman brings me power. At this point, this woman bring me something special. That’s when you go out here, I mean, there are times before enjoy, just look at your head, don’t touch me yet.

1 (30m 60s):
Be good to me. And I say number with you before you pray, you know that right? God because one thing that Christians do very easily, they become ungrateful and you can do the same thing as well. Comment.

2 (31m 39s):
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that’s very true. And like I said, it’s very easy to, to be got to become comfortable, you know, with, with someone and, and, and when I say comfortable, I mean, in, in, and the way that you will begin to treat them differently than you treated them before you got married. Right. And I think that that just shouldn’t be, you know, and, and all of these things when, you know, because we started off talking about disconnect, it’s just amazing how, how many subtle things can cause disconnect.

2 (32m 19s):
You know, and I was, I was thinking about how, when you share information with one another, and then you may have a disagreement, which turns into an argument. And so now what I expose when I, what I expose to you now you’ve used it against me. So now we have another layer of disconnect, you know, because I, I pulled out something to you that I kept hitting and for safety. And when I felt safe, you know, I released it. And now that we have say, we get into an argument, and that will be both, both of us start, you know, taking the knives at each other and, and revealing to each other, what we each other share.

2 (33m 5s):
And that can cause a disconnect because now you may not be free to be yourself around your spouse anymore. So it is so important that you know, that you be the protector, you know, when things get tough, because you’re not always gonna agree. You know, you’re not always going to see eye to eye on things. And I think though, that is when it counts, when you become the protector of, of your spouse emotions.

1 (33m 42s):
Yes, let’s, let’s, let’s stay on that. Apostle is very, very humble. A lot of people don’t know he’s he knows how to use guns. And he was in the military. Now let’s use the guns. He does martial arts. So this guy, I mean, I mean, he don’t look like it, but he really doesn’t look like, I mean, this guy knows how to protect his wife. And he knows how to protect attorney ladies. How important is protection to your power is important. It is that your husband and protects, you will go first for, for me, it’s very important and it’s not just protection with weapons.

1 (34m 25s):
This is I think the biggest reaction or action of the world and our, how he protects others. That’s a big protection. That’s strong as strong, as strong as its sword. When you protect the quiet of our relationship with your time and do a task that Sex attorney. I remember I won’t call the person to get it. And there was a family member, something I didn’t like, and I immediately

2 (35m 10s):
Stopped it. I

1 (35m 11s):
Said, don’t put that on. Don’t don’t, don’t put that negativity on it. And he started again, and I looked with my wife later on in the car. I said, read your mind, me doing it. And he said, no, I feel protected. So again, when, when a man steps in and says, no, never do that to my girl. It really makes a woman very powerful, very romantic

2 (35m 38s):
To the man. You want to bless them later on that night? No, for what I’m saying, I had good. Can I say something before she speaks that, that, that, you know, that protection thing it is so it’s so important. It can, it can do so much damage. Porsche hit it on the nail, the emotional protection he’s, you know, the last time we spoke, we spoke about blended families. We touched on that. And, and, and so when, when, when my daughters moved up here, you know, there was a, there was a fight for dad and there was an X bend to expectation on my wife’s part for her husband.

2 (36m 31s):
And so there was, you know, I, I failed at protecting her, trying to be the keeper of the piece and to when it comes to your spouse against anyone else, you know, there, there should be no keeping the peace, correct at all. And when I say that, I mean, whatever it will take to, to protect, to shield her emotional state, you know, that that is the responsibility. And it should be the honor of the husband trying to go ahead.

3 (37m 16s):
Yeah. Thank you. I think it is so crucial for, for that protection to be in place. And like she said, it’s not just about the weapons. Cause you know, like my husband, he always keeps this and he always asks his, you know, his, his, I don’t know what to call it. I’m I’m, I’m still out of the loop when it comes to that stuff. Yeah. Yeah. And he always got the burner on I’ll I know the street, I know the street terminology, but you always have to, but at the same time, it’s more important for me to feel protected, to feel defended, to feel like, you know, there’s nothing that, there’s nothing that I would ever have to open up my mouth to say in my own defense or to protect myself, you know, if it makes me feel good to know that I don’t have to say a word and he will handle it.

3 (38m 13s):
And I think it’s also key for that protection to be witnessed because it’s one thing for you to come back and say, but when you see it, when it’s done in front of you and when Others know that the, that the spouse is present and can hear, and it’s witnessing what is being said and done to, to protect that person, I think that’s so crucial because need that. You need that reassurance. So I think that’s so key and people, you know, it’s, it’s easy to disrespect, uncover not protect where there’s dishonor, where, you know, there’s when you don’t value a person, you protect what you value.

3 (38m 54s):
And so if you know, when, when, when you value your spouse, when you put the truth, when you see the true value in the person that you marry, I think it becomes easier. And it becomes, it comes naturally to protect it. You know, just like when you have your material, possessions, your valuables, you, those things much more care. You know, you take better care of you put those things in safe places. You, you make sure that those things are guarded and you make sure that those things are insured. You know, you, you take a greater concern and care for the things that you value the most. And so I think a lot of times it really boils down to how much you really value and your spouse.

3 (39m 36s):
A lot of times, you know, we won’t, we won’t tell our bosses off. We won’t say we won’t disrespect them because we all do that job. We value them sometimes that has maybe nothing to do with the boss per se. But it’s the job, you know, you, you, you don’t, you don’t tell them off whenever you feel any kind of way, or you don’t raise your voice or, you know, something goes wrong, you try to make it right, because you value that position. And a lot of times we, you know, we’ll value those kinds of things, or we’ll put greater value on external things rather than things that I think is because we take it for granted. We’re like my husband said comfortable. And when you take things for granted and get comfortable, it’s easy to see it less and less valuable.

3 (40m 19s):
And that’s where a lot of disrespect and dishonor can come into play

1 (40m 26s):
Before go to. So I was dating Portia and her son graduated and this woman out of nowhere, my girlfriend at the time, and I was about to knock the woman down. I don’t care how old she was. She was like, watch your show. My face, I forgot off with Dr. I forgot I was with Bishop because I’m a woman.

1 (41m 9s):
And my job is to, and also a guide for your listening protection is not just as loud, right. Protection is also just in case you got life insurance to protect. You mean we don’t get into the actual Africa. I want my wife cause I’m so good at anyway. I just believe because we want to protect, protect your beliefs.

1 (41m 57s):
So Tina says, what if you have a spouse that puts sports and everything in their life, we’ve been able to go out on a date. Everything is around. There’s no conversation because everything is about a game and the radio sports. If we go to the movies, the time is around the Marriage because I came second. I got comment,

3 (42m 33s):
A knee jerk reaction to that because it’s, I don’t know, based on the comment, if they’re still together or not. Right. But if, if they’re still together out, the first thing that came to my mind was out, you know, addiction, addictive behavior. And I wonder if there’s also a gambling issue. I’m not sure. I don’t know if that’s your thing. Do people still bet on games? I don’t know, but that’s

1 (42m 55s):
Like 10

3 (42m 57s):
Is the one up with that. So if there’s a gambling addiction or just an addiction to the sports and all the things surrounding that, there’s a deeper issue and it has nothing to do with a marital issue. So to speak, there’s an internal issue. There’s a problem that needs to be worked on that. And that’s going to take some therapy and some help. And if you’re, and if you’re willing to work it out with your, still with the, with the spouse, I would, you know, walk, you know, help stand by him in that, support them in that if he’s willing to get the help, but I would start there and exploring if there, if there that’s the issue that needs to be.

1 (43m 38s):
Ah, okay. So yeah. So 25 years and been together 32 years. Wow. I will say too, that as well, that part that distracts him, whatever it is for you, what you guys are doing. There’s a reason for that distraction. Be addiction came out with me as well in my, and my brain that maybe there’s an addiction there that maybe there’s some heavy money being gambled and they don’t, he doesn’t want them to be.

1 (44m 20s):
And if he’s never present, then there’s definitely he’s using, you know, that’s his distraction piece. So, you know, maybe coating that distraction piece, we would have to dig into that to see what the root of that baby is for him. Cause it probably has nothing to do. You know, my first question to Tina would be, how old is this? How old is that part? Because that sometimes will get us to the root of the entire party. If it’s always been that I’m 32 years old, this game part, how old is this distraction?

1 (45m 14s):
And this is why it is so important. And I know the church has discouraged dating exact reason why your date. I need to know where, and a lot of time and the apostle to the earlier, a lot of things I found out after Marriage naming we’re there all the time. Either. I got to feeling there all the time, but also for men, men are for lack of better word.

1 (45m 57s):
They are, they need that. They need with stroke and for whatever gives them whatever gives them affirmation, validation, affirmation, constant rewards. That’s what their brains will go to so quick. Why? Because they understand that that gives me a reward with a woman with a Y it’s totally different because the wife is the wife. The wife is not the why. He’s not even whatever. There was some work that some other factors that a lot of men are not used to doing.

1 (46m 38s):
That’s why a lot of men don’t know how to go deep enough within a woman’s site and to find out what makes your life. Because again, when I said I will make her take, then she’ll turn them out and so on and do that. So Tina says 20 years in the marriage and I am so done because I feel like I am competing with another woman. Wow. So yeah. What would you say?

2 (47m 8s):
I thank you. Thank you. All right. And asking the question, how long, how has it been going on? I don’t think that she is the issue. I think that there’s something going on with him and men. And what happens is when something is going on, especially a, when something is going on with the man, the woman feels the effects. So she’ll internalize it. And she’ll think that it’s against her and respond. According to that, when, when in all actuality there’s something broken in him and, and he is using that as a mechanism to kind of, you know, crutch or cradle his way through.

2 (47m 54s):
And so I think that validation in one respect is important. I don’t know if you have taken interest in, in what he likes to do. I’m assuming that you probably have, but I think that there’s something in him that, that has caused a disconnect there where he’s consumed with it. And I I’m, you know, I would hope, I think guys, guys that are like that, a lot of times they’re not open to counseling. So it’s a real challenge. It may be a real challenge, especially if you’ve been together that long. So I, you know, I would see if you could get away when we can get away, you know, but get away somewhere.

2 (48m 39s):
Even if you take a Dr I know you said that if your driving, you know, he puts on the radio, With with sports, but take a walk somewhere and, and, and have a talk and, and see, you know, where his heart is, you know, ask him how he feels about you. You know, Hey, we’d been together a long time, you know, how, how do you feel about me now what’s changed. And just try to get him to open up outside of his zone. You know what I mean? If you can get him away from the radio, get him away from the television, even if it’s 10 minutes, you know, and, and try and get them to talk catering to his ego, of course, and see if that works, because that’s a, that’s a tough nut right there.

2 (49m 26s):
You know, if you guys have been together that law guys like that, they’re there, it’s going to be hard to get them into some type of counseling because they kind of set in in there and their way of thinking. So, you know, I’m hoping, and we’re rooting for you, but I will try to get them out of that, out of his other, his field and, and speak to him, you know, and just ask them questions that he will have to kind of, you know, respond to and, and hopefully you’ll get a candid response out of them.

1 (50m 2s):
Tina says, again, she says, I have, I have asked them to get some, have been through so much in our lives. And I have checked out of the Marriage family and also for her, you know, checked out how long has that been guarantee you, that she checked out? You know, like, like a pastoral said, I think this definitely goes far beyond that.

1 (50m 45s):
You know, he used that milk to probably cope with various things. He, whatever it is and everything, and get us to wives who are listening right now, usually that man wants to change. A lot of times, he don’t his bank. He needs to change the psyche for so long. Usually it’s a learned behavior. It’s a learned behavior. This is how they cope, this, how they deal with anxiety, stress, people who drink, people who smoke sometimes they do because they’re trying to deal with their distress.

1 (51m 39s):
And so it’s really helping that man understand baby, I’m here to deal with your threat. It’s been five years. So some see, so now we get to, now we’re getting somewhere, you know, it’s been five years. So with that, you know, that that’s a part it’s part, definitely can resurface things and, you know, bring itself up with some, again, to survive that will have to work together. And from a woman to rectify that without doing that, it’s not going to work.

1 (52m 20s):
Are we able to get your question

2 (52m 25s):
Go out? And I was just going to say to Tina, if you, if you’ve, if you’ve checked out, then you can’t expect results. You know, I’ve just being honest. So, so I think you have to make up in your mind that, you know what, I want this Marriage I want my husband and, and, and kind of, you know, nurture him back to health. Like, don’t worry about, you know, him in his, in his cave, but just meet him where he is, you know, but you have to get back in the game first. And that’s just a decision. If you choose to do that, then, then don’t look for an immediate result because it’s going to take some time to nurture him back to the hell.

2 (53m 10s):
But, but that’s going to start with you, you know, as far as checking back in, if, if that’s what you choose to do our wellness,

1 (53m 23s):
This is a great show. People, people are really commenting and we’re going to go with it. Ready. So Louise Jones says, what do you do when a man looks at an, at other, at other woman and does not look at you the way he looks at her ladies first.

3 (53m 43s):
So the question was, what do you do when a man looks at other women and does not look at the, look at you the way he looks at her at another woman. Okay. And it looks okay. I got it. Oh, there it is. Thank you. All right. So one, so it seems like, it seems like you’re asking, what do you do when a man looks at another woman and doesn’t look at you the way he looks at her. So it’s a specific purpose person, not women in general, if that’s what you’re asking, my first thought concerned. And that question is, if he’s looking at another woman, if there’s a certain person, who’s like, who’s captured his attention. If she’s like the, I don’t know if his affection is probably a little bit too, putting a little bit too colorful, but if he’s at miring, another person, if that person has caught his eye and you see that he, the way he looks at her, you don’t get that.

3 (54m 41s):
I w as far as, what do you do? I would, the first thing I would do is talk to him about it. So that’s the first thing, you know, communicate With with him about how you feel, because if you’ve caught a hold to that, if you, if you’ve noticed that, I’m sure other people probably noticed too, if he’s doing it in public, if it’s something that’s private, if he’s admiring this person privately, I don’t know, in what capacity you’re seeing it. So I don’t know if he’s liking all of her Facebook pictures. I don’t know if he’s, if he sees her at work or maybe at the church or something like that. If you just, I don’t know. I don’t know what settings you’re seeing.

3 (55m 21s):
You’re observing this, but if, if it’s something that’s happening privately and you’ve, you’ve taken notice of it, then I would probably ask them the first question I would ask is where, where are you seeing him do this? And how, you know, how are you coming across these observations? But either way I would talk to him about it. It, it, yeah. Okay. Calmly talk to him about it. Calmly ’cause you will get more results that way, because you don’t want him to go on the defense because people, I’m not going to say men, but people when they’re defensive, a lot of times they’ll deflect and they might, they might turn the question around on you or turn the conversation around or get defensive or blow up and cause a big blow up about it so that they can avoid answering the question.

3 (56m 9s):
So calmly, ask them about it. If your looking through his things too, and you’re discovering his admiration of this particular person, I would approach it that much more calmly, you know, because, you know, if you, if you guys have a situation where you know, his, his stuff is not open, or you don’t have easily, if you don’t have access to his, I don’t know how you’re seeing it. So I’m kind of, you know, going in different directions here, but if you’re seeing it because you’ve women in general. Okay. That helps. Thank you. Okay. So my first reaction, if he’s looking at women in general and you, and you are the woman that just doesn’t get that, and he just has this thing where he’s like gawking at women or he’s, you know, making, I don’t know if he’s making comments or whatever the case might be.

3 (57m 1s):
And there’s a general question, what I’m seeing, what I’m observing. So if he’s looking at women in general and you’re observing how he’s looking at them, and you’re, you know, you’re not getting that kind of attention, same thing, go talk to him about it, you know, find out, okay, what is it I will start to, wouldn’t advise you to start, you know, blaming yourself or being insecure about yourself.

3 (57m 41s):
If you want to, you know, start to try different things or do different things, you know, do that without, without putting blame on yourself or making yourself feel like I got to compete with these women. You know, if that’s something that you want to do do with it, because you want to do it, but talk to him about it and find out why he, you know, what is it that might be going on that that’s probably that’s the way anyway, anyway, I’m sorry.

4 (58m 16s):
Well, I would definitely, I mean, I’m, I’m a talker when it comes to things being, being noticed, I would definitely look my man in the eye and say, how could I be the Apple of your eye? You know, I would, I would just like start there and see what his response is. And I will definitely take note, like, what is it? Because I’m an observer too, you know, what is it about these women that he’s looking, you know, giving them a nine. I don’t feel like I’m getting the eyes. I will look at those women and see what, see what that is. And then I will ask if I see something on repeat, I would, I would ask like, would you like it? If I did this and see what he said, see what his response.

4 (58m 58s):
And then if he responds in that way and be like, Oh, you know, that was right. Because it’s all, it’s usually a repetitive thing. So when, if you can recognize like a certain cycle, you know, I don’t, I don’t know how often, you know, the person would be looking, but I think, I think, you know, yeah, everybody looks, I think everybody looks like I don’t that the man should

1 (59m 22s):
Not, not be looking, but right. If they’re looking a certain way and you’re not getting that attention or that for yourself, from him, then definitely that talk about the point of the matter is that sometime, no excuse. But if a man who’s hearing, no, if a man keeps hearing your dog, get away from me, then again, you send the atmosphere.

1 (1h 0m 5s):
As, as frail as a woman, can’t be emotional is as frail as a man could be as well. You’d be surprised that, that, that, that that’s, that’s simple. No, you in the bed cuddling right away to a man. It’s like, wait a minute. I was close to your, move, your body a little close away from me. All of a sudden, we going through Jared, what does happen? What did I do wrong? Why don’t you? And the one that could just be sweet and not even aware of what’s going on, but the man is just all his feelings and surprised.

1 (1h 0m 57s):
And apostle said this. When you talk about things, as soon as they hit you, you are opening your door to that. Being turned from a learning lesson to a, I’m going to be hit. You. I’m gonna say something about it. Okay. Hang on. I’ll lose that. But what about when you do everything? So I love the girl, apostle,

2 (1h 1m 27s):
Let me say this. I’m not sure how, how young or how, how young or how old your man is, or, but there’s a scripture in the, in the Bible that says a man’s eyes are never satisfied. And so I would ask one how he treats you. And I, and I would start there. I would ask you, how, how does he treat you? Does he treat you with respect? Does he treat you like a lady? Because again, there, there are some guys, you know, some guys have what they call wandering eyes and we’re not making excuses, but that’s just, that’s just the reality of it.

2 (1h 2m 10s):
If he’s not looking at you like that, I think it was Porsche that mentioned that, you know, ask him gently, you know, Hey, you know, what can I do better? You know, what, what can I do? You know, what can I do? One thing, let me say this one thing I like about my wife is figure out who he was about to refer. No,

1 (1h 2m 37s):
Absolutely not.

2 (1h 2m 43s):
You know, when we’re around the house, I like how she, how she dresses, you know, I like what’s missing, you know, w w around the house. I, I think if, if you, if you do this, if he’s a good dude and you approach him the right way were easy. Like w I think Porsche mentioned repetition or something like that. Like, we are, we are so easy. Even if, even if somebody else catches our eyes. Now, if he’s not looking at you the same way the conversation has to be had, but it has to be, he is my heart and we love each other. Then, then, then, you know, I would talk to him and, and I wouldn’t let it.

2 (1h 3m 28s):
I wouldn’t let it become a fire in you. You know what I mean? If he’s coming home, if he’s not, you know, if he’s not, if he’s not out there, if you see them looking or whatever, I mean, I guess what I’m saying, his pick your battles, you know what I mean? Some things with some people are more than the other, but if you all love each other, if you know, he loves you and he’s treating you with respect. If you want him to look at you a certain way, make him understand what I’m saying. If you want him to look at you a certain way, make him, you know, find out what his fantasies are, find, find out, you know, you know, like just get role with him and, and, and, and see if that works.

2 (1h 4m 16s):
And you know, what, what have the conversation?

1 (1h 4m 22s):
I didn’t lucid. But what about when you do everything? A lot of women, I hear that a lot things happened with women and they sleep. And I did everything for him. That’s not all the time from my investigation with men talking with them. They don’t want the woman to do everything. A lot of them really don’t. So maybe you’re doing too much. If you’re doing everything, what is, so I love to ask your manager and there could be that one will be that he wants.

1 (1h 5m 22s):
So always asks the question, you know, have that conversation. So they might comment. All right. So let me take the scalpel

4 (1h 7m 3s):
And that I see a lot. I see

1 (1h 7m 4s):
A lot, I don’t know, feedback is bad.

4 (1h 7m 25s):
I’m not sure what it is, but women have a thing that they like to guess for the man. They like to speak on his behalf. I think, I think, I think he was thinking, I think I hear this all the time. And it’s like, stop guessing for him. You women have a, we have a way of visioning this whole thing that is never there. Right. We have a way of like fabricating this entire story that, that never is, you know, when it comes to things sometimes. So just sit and ask, the man is very simple. Like it is very simple

1 (1h 8m 7s):
Comic the apostles.

4 (1h 8m 11s):
I think that’s, I think that’s crucial is really just, it’s talking to the person, because

3 (1h 8m 17s):
Like everybody said, you can, you, hopefully he’ll be, he’ll be able to open up and just, and say what it is that he likes. And, and just to add to that, I would say, you know, when you, when you talk about that, when you ask the question, not to ask it in a accusatory way or bring up like, Oh, I saw you looking at this person, you know, what was it? You know, what, what it was. She got that out. And, you know, I get, sometimes I talk hood chick in my head. I have like a hood chick accent that comes out every now and then. So, you know, avoid the, you know, okay. So I’m looking at this chick, you know, what was she got the bound up calmly.

3 (1h 8m 57s):
You don’t have the conversation and maybe even ask it in a way where it’s more playful, you know, like tell him, you know, what’s some of the things that you like, like, you know, like I learned that, I feel like I look the one thing that I like about myself, you know? Cause I just want to say it. I like red lipstick. It makes me feel, it makes me feel good. It makes me feel sexier. It makes me feel more desirable. Now when we feel good about ourselves, men like that, they like confidence. So maybe if you’re watching him observing other women, it might be interfering with the, with the confidence that you’re exuding. So if you’re putting out a lack of confidence or insecurity, that could be, I’m not, I’m not going to say that it turned off.

3 (1h 9m 42s):
Cause it might not be that you’re turning him off, but it could be something that’s just causing him to w subconsciously he might not even be able to put his finger on it. So had that. What, what makes you feel good about yourself at that layer? And then when you find out what he likes at that layer, so your confidence with knowing what he likes and you, don’t what he likes. If he’s still looking and not giving you that I, after you do all of that, then we’d go to the next level, I guess. But that, that I think that should help. Hopefully it will help.

5 (1h 10m 20s):
I love my wife lipstick, how much you love her lipstick. I brought her 10 different vows of it. I want to amazon.com. I got four 77 black cherry Revlon. Yes, I did praise God gentlemen, please understand. It’s not just red. It’s a number that goes with it. All right. So you got to be with these women, see women love that. Get anyway. So women like that specific spots specific stops. She’s my speech therapist too. But again, they love when we do that.

5 (1h 11m 3s):
Okay. But again, it’s going back. What was it that got that man’s attention? What was it that got the woman’s attention and I’m fashioned

2 (1h 11m 14s):
The man’s the leader and the, the man is looking more than that man needs to do things differently. Last week I went to my amusement park. Yes I did. I went to Victoria’s secret and then I went to VIP. I have fun about music. Yes it did. You have fun too, baby? I have fun. I have fun. Why? Because I’m doing things why I’m investing. That’s a key word investing. And when you invest into your spouse, there’s going to be an ROI return of investment comment.

2 (1h 11m 54s):
Absolutely. Absolutely. You know, you have to put, you know, I, I, I, it goes back to what you guys were saying before, you know, have had the conversation and if you don’t feel comfortable having the conversation, dude, you know, do certain things, you know, get a woman, knows how to get a man’s attention, you know? And, and so I would just say, get, get his attention, you know, period, whatever, whatever that is, you know, whatever you see him looking at, you know what I mean? Maybe mimic that, you know, get, get his attention because I don’t, it doesn’t sound like he’s looking for somebody, you know what I’m saying?

2 (1h 12m 40s):
And I don’t, I don’t get that vibe, but I would say just get his attention and, and, and talk to him and find out, Hey, what, you know, what do you want me to do? You know, what do you want me to do for you?

3 (1h 12m 53s):
Yeah. And he might not even realize that he got it, you know, giving different body language or reactions. You might not realize that he might feel that way about you, but you know, with you, it might be expressed differently. And you want the way he’s expressing his, you know, attention or like for a certain look or, or at women, you might want to get that exact same thing. But he might, cause if you say, how did you word it loose? He said, he’s your heart. We love each other very much. If your ex, if your, if you know that you’re both in love and he’s your heart, maybe he’s expressing what he likes about you differently than how has he, how he’s expressing it when you observe it, when he’s observed, when he’s looking at other people.

3 (1h 13m 40s):
So yeah, that might come out in the discussion too. I don’t know. But I, I would pay attention to, to what he does, how he does respond to you. And it might not be the exact same way that he’s responding to what he sees outside of your relationship. You know? So I w I would kind of watch that too, because he, he might be showing you that he’s really into you. And just another way.

2 (1h 14m 3s):
Oh, that’s very important. I remember I was on, I was on radio hot nineties, high 97,

5 (1h 14m 13s):
And a woman called because she said her husband was gaming all the time. He was, he was gaming, playing, playing video games. So I told her, I said, well, next time that happens. I’ll go in the bedroom, we’re lingerie and put buttons all over you. And so she put buttons all over and she called back the next week. And she said, Dr be that word. Exactly. Because again, he was, his mind was so set to the touch of button that we, she had buttons everywhere. He just, he started, she started touching her buttons.

5 (1h 14m 53s):
And then that changed everything comment. I commented out on this one, I think they’re going to be fine. But that goes back to what we were saying, get his attention, you know, look at, look, observe what he’s looking at and mimic that, you know, find a way to mimic that in a, in a central way. And, and you’ll probably, you’ll probably get his, get his attention

3 (1h 15m 22s):
That I can relate to that. Now I’m not going to tell the whole story. I’m not going to tell the specifics, but we was on vacation.

5 (1h 15m 31s):
Oh boy. Oh, I know this story.

3 (1h 15m 33s):
Yeah. Well, I’m not, that’s not the whole story, but we were on vacation in Jamaica and we were at nuns river falls. So, you know, when your client, if those of you familiar with it, you know, it’s, you know, you’re going to get wet. So you want to wear your bikini and all of that stuff. You want to wear trunks and you know, all of that. So back then, during that time, we were very newly married, being churching, being a churchy person that I am. I was all I had it. Wasn’t about it. Wasn’t I didn’t do it intentionally. But all I had was like the regular bathing suits. I didn’t, I didn’t own any bikinis because from before we were married, I really didn’t.

3 (1h 16m 14s):
I just didn’t have that. I didn’t, you know, I, okay. The main thing was, I was self-conscious about my body. You know, being a mother of two, I always wore the full bathing suit with the rep or with shorts, you know, all of that stuff. And when we were at Dunsborough falls and I had on my bathing suit with the shorts, with the water shoes, I began to observe my surroundings. And I began to realize like, wait a minute. It’s especially we on vacation from that point forward. Look, I, I have, I throughout all my bathing suits, I don’t own a bathing suit.

3 (1h 16m 55s):
I have bikinis, I have tiny ones. I’m not gonna get into that. I have sexier bathing bikinis for the first time and what I had to do it because I looked, I was, so I had to get my body the way I wanted it to be. So I could wear the bikini because I’m not going to be on vacation with my husband wearing a bathing suit and a sarong and flip flops and have all of these women walking around in South beach with their sexy stuff on. And I’m looking like I just came from a kojic convention. So no. So I had to switch that up in order for me to feel comfortable doing that.

3 (1h 17m 35s):
I had to work on my body. And once, you know, so there’s, you have, there’s some times it takes, you gotta kind of, you know, put the effort into

5 (1h 17m 47s):
That’s pretty good now. I mean the bad, the bad seed, wasn’t going to tell him what I was going to tell it. So, as we were walking up Dunn’s river falls, you’re walking up this kind of waterfall. And there was this there’s this lady in front of me, I had on a farm, you know, and she had a shat on a nice body and I couldn’t help. She had a nice light and I couldn’t help them look up. And every time I looked, looked up, it was just heaven right there. So, you know, so my, the way my wife handled it, I think was, was great. I forgot what you said.

3 (1h 18m 24s):
I told her, I said, go ahead, just go ahead and get in front of me. Don’t worry about just go ahead, because he’s trying to cause you, you gotta be careful. You’re walking up this slippery rock. So you gotta be careful, but you’re walking up this steep rock. So the person in front of you everybody’s bent over climbing this thing. So he’s got this great view in front of them. He’s not, he doesn’t even look back to see where I am. I’m way behind him. I’m way behind him struggling to get. But I look who was in front of me, this old do with this, with this Speedo With things, pop it out and doing it with the speed on it in front of me, he’s way up there behind the woman.

3 (1h 19m 14s):
I’m like, okay. When I caught up to him struggling to breathe, I’m like, just enjoy the view. Don’t worry about, just enjoy the view. I was like, I cannot blame him right now. Just enjoy the view. So

5 (1h 19m 32s):
I love the honesty of that compensation. ’cause you will be an honest with your husband. And he was being, he was showing of apostle you a dumb devil, being honest with her. But, but again, it’s what a judgment. I tell women all the time. If you see your husband checking something out, then that’s assigned to you to go and buy it and wear it yourself. That that’s a great sign right there. And an attorney does exactly what you did. So, so that’s great that the honesty was there. And again, you made the adjustments to make sure that it stayed that strong.

5 (1h 20m 14s):
It was very good. Yeah. And, and, and being able to view your surrounding and say, Hey, wait a minute. What you know, this is not, I’m not even, you know, you want to have fun and you want to, you want to be able to appreciate yourself and be able to love yourself. Now, girl, we have to go out on the beaches. That’s my thing. Okay. I love missing two piece and some donkeys and all that. So yeah. I like just accordingly. I I’ve seen people go to the, to the beach and they’re just like, like you said, fully, like fully and full clothes, like long skirts and you know, stuff that I’m just like, why it’s so hot, like why?

5 (1h 20m 57s):
And you’re in the water, they’re in the water trying to swim and everything’s coming up anyway. So was like, just come accordingly. I like gong. So I’ll tell you right now in Jesus name. Amen. I liked Don. All right. So, so, you know, into me as a match, hang on. All right. To me as a couple, it’s the adjustment, you know, I’m 55 years old. And so I work out purposely for two reasons. Number one, I don’t want to be a fat preacher that can’t finish the sermon. Cause I, I ran out of energy. That’s number one, number two.

5 (1h 21m 38s):
I want to look good for my girl. You know, I want to look good for my wife. So I go to the gym regularly. I, I I’m making sure my goal is to have washbowl as one day apostle and we have washboard abs, but you know what, that’s my goal to have washboard ass for my girl. Why? Because I know that would, I know that would appease her. So let’s talk about, okay. All right. So let’s talk about why is it important to appease your spouse aesthetically as well as internally? Why is that important attorney apostle repeat that portion, Bishop, why is it important to make sure you look the part for your spouse as well as have it internally?

6 (1h 22m 34s):
Yeah.

5 (1h 22m 38s):
I mean, it’s, it’s, you know, th th that has to be balanced, you know, there has to be balanced and obviously look is, is a part of that. Yeah, because I remember I’m sorry. No, but when we first, when we first got married, I was very used to short hair cuts, like having my hair cut really short. He’s not into short hair, but

3 (1h 23m 6s):
I thought I looked sexiest with a short haircut. So I knew what made me feel good was my red lipstick and my short cut and you know, my Toni Braxton. And, but he didn’t like that. So I had to adjust for what he liked. He likes it, he likes his favorite look is when my hair was pulled back into like a tight bun, like a little tight Nat. And for me, that’s, that’s my least favorite look, but I’ll do that. I’ll balance it out by doing that every now and then, because I know that’s, he thinks I look sexy as that way. Cause it’s that librarian look probably, I don’t know what it is. You gotta think of librarians. So you, you, you know, it’s that teacher look, you know, very professional for me, the short haircut was like, it was confident.

3 (1h 23m 52s):
It was like, it was sophisticated. It made me feel more commanding all of that stuff. But because he didn’t like that, I let my hair grow out. Even though I felt like my natural hair made me feel older now he’d also been like wigs. I’m not a big weed wear, but I love wigs. He hates wigs hated because what he has done the balance is I found the wigs that he liked. So then now I still get to wear my wigs when I want to. But their wigs that he’s, that he, that I, I guess the best way I can put it is it’s not just tolerable. He likes some of them. So what I’ll do is I’ll take him to the hair store with me and I’ll T as much as he can stand it, I will try on the wigs and I will choose the ones that he he’s like that I liked that one.

3 (1h 24m 42s):
Nope, not that one. And I will, I, it won’t be so much about which ones I like. I go with the ones he likes because we’re one, like I got to think about him too. So that’s, I think that really speaks to the balance too, in that practical sense,

2 (1h 24m 56s):
It, it took me a long, long enough, but I I’m, I’m the type of person where I like different colognes. I love I’ve been buying different colognes since I was a kid and she likes one cologne. And so, you know, I think it maybe took up until maybe a month ago where I just gave in and I said, you know what, let me just wear what she likes. I have hundreds of dollars worth of cologne, you know, in, in the house. And she likes just one cologne. And so I just said, you know what, let me just make her happy in this area. If she, if this is the cologne she likes, it’s not going to kill me, whatever, you know, because it makes her happy.

2 (1h 25m 42s):
I’m just gonna buy and wear this one cologne. And so I think it’s very important that you do one another because your you’re you’re, you’re serving one another and you’re responsible for one another wellbeing, you know? And so when you’re married, it’s, it’s, it, it becomes about your spouse.

5 (1h 26m 4s):
You know, it become period.

3 (1h 26m 6s):
Yeah. Cause he, he used to wear these cornball Jamal shirts. I call them cornball, Jamal. So he would wear these cornball Jamal button down shirts, you know, like the certain plat patterns, dark color Brown, like, you know, like child molester, Brown colors. And I hated it. And so I had to, so what I had to do more practical advice is I started buying his shirts. So I like, I enjoy shopping for him. So I had to start buying the shirts that because he will, he does not care about how he dresses at all.

3 (1h 26m 46s):
He will wear the same thing every day. He don’t care, but I do. So I started buying his suits. I started buying his shirts. He finally got a new pair of shoes after, like how long did you have those shoes? He had the same shoes we will preach in for, I don’t know. Maybe it’s been like 10 years since you started try out, the shoes had cracked under the bottom of his foot. He refused to buy a new fare. I have to go pull with his hand through the process, but we got there.

3 (1h 27m 27s):
So now he has like five different styles. You don’t get all of these suits now, you know? So sometimes you got to step in and take over a little bit and then somethings you got to adjust and, and, you know, balance it out, you know, no more core walls and walls.

5 (1h 27m 49s):
That’s, that’s, that’s very important because I was wearing a certain skinny Jean worldwide. I would want some type of a pair of pants. And she finally got on me. She said, baby, you got to read this. We got to reach back. So I went to the store, God like five, six pairs of pants. She measured me that, you know, make sure everything was right. You know, but, but, but, but again, it was dressing to a piece again. It’s what am I doing? The Bible even says, the Bible even says that when you become married, your job is to please your mate.

5 (1h 28m 30s):
And I go back and forth. But so many times couples will not do that. And that pleasing is not only outside the bedroom. Hello, somebody, but it’s also inside the bedroom. So it’s really understanding what can I do to please my mate. And it’s also having that mind frame that I want to do this. This is not hard. I want to do. Because again, you made adjustments in the dating process. You made adjustments when you discovered each other. So why stop the now, now Porsche, you know, you know, our hair is natural. So, you know, with the up down, you know, slick back, you know, braids, you know, I’m, I’m, I’m, I’m happy.

5 (1h 29m 13s):
Cause I like her hair. Matter of fact, he has a name and then you’ve been with named males, but I love your hair because that’s, that’s a part of it that I like. But again, it’s not forgetting the initial that brought you to your spouse. When you forget that initial, when you forget that initial and don’t make the modifications because here’s another mistake and, and apostle, please speak to this. A lot of times men will date or, or once they get married, they will bring the attributes of their former love into their present. Marriage you can’t do that because every woman is different.

5 (1h 29m 53s):
Every woman is different. A lot of times men will do that. And upon doing that, they will find themselves in a very bad place. Apostle comment.

2 (1h 30m 4s):
Yeah. I mean, that’s, that’s, that’s very true. One of the things that my wife has no qualms about doing is letting me know what, what she likes and what she does not like. And so, you know, when I, I think when you’re, when you’re older and a lot of respects, it’s an easy adjustment. I think when, when a person is younger and God certainly make that mistake, they think that what works for, especially in the bedroom, they think that what works for one woman will work for every woman. And that’s just, that’s so far from the truth, you have to learn one another.

2 (1h 30m 45s):
And I think that’s, you know, that goes back to what my wife was saying at the beginning of this webinar, how, you know, how it’s it’s. So I think it’s so important that you try and keep yourselves, you know, before Marriage, so you don’t come up with these, have all types of issues in the Marriage with, you know, doing this, what you, what you did with your previous, you know, you bring that into the relationship and, and you know, it, it can just, like you said, it can work out, can turn out real bad. But when you learn, when you learn to please one another, you know, when you learn to do what the other likes and when you learn to allow what the other likes, I, I think that, and I think Dr being, you said it, you said it a great, you know, that, you know, renew, when you, you, you, you’re there to please, you supposed to please want another specifically, you know, you please, one another, you know, when you’re single, you belong to the Lord, you know, so to speak, when you get married, you know, your, your priority is your spouse.

2 (1h 31m 60s):
And I’m just kind of paraphrasing that. And the Lord wants us to do that. And he wants us to be, you know, connected in the bedroom. Paul said, don’t even look, if don’t even separate, if you’re going to separate do it with consent, you know, and come together quickly, you know, he said, he’s going to do it with consent, you know, for devotion to prayer, but come together quickly. So the devil doesn’t tempt you for lack of self control. So I, I think it’s important that you really go out of your way to please your spouse, both ways

3 (1h 32m 35s):
You say something all the time, or you, you said it often, you know, try to outdo each other and, and showing love and affection, you know, try it out and do the other one. And if you keep it both parties, if both spouses are doing that, I can’t even imagine that, you know, if you’re trying to outdo the other one and, and the other one’s trying to out, do you, and, and being romantic and showing affection in the bedroom doing like, it’s a, it’s a, it’s a recipe for all kinds of love and, and, and, you know, exploration and all of that stuff. So, yeah, especially in the bedroom, you know, knowing what the other person likes, not having expectations from your previous relationships, because a lot of that stuff, you know, if you have, if you put a higher, if you put these expectations on your spouse, based on what you experienced from your previous relationships, your feelings, your different, all of those things have different energies and components and you know, different, but what do you call it?

3 (1h 33m 37s):
Like, you know, you, you might’ve had, maybe there was an element of, you know, sneaking around or, you know, an element of excitement surrounding it because, you know, for whatever reason it might’ve been, you know, what was in your previous relationships, it might’ve, it might’ve been some other element of, you know, you’re not living with the person and you know, your who knows what’s going, what was going on the dynamics. That’s what I was looking for. The dynamics of those previous relationships might have made it, made those moments available, or, or me, it made me more excitable, whatever. And then you’re, you can’t bring those same expectations to a different dynamic. So for me personally, like I had to, you know, let go of all that dysfunctional stuff I had to let go of all of those unhealthy things, all those unhealthy habits and realize no, you know, in a place where I can, you know, I can enjoy it and explore and have fun and do all of those things.

3 (1h 34m 34s):
But now it’s healthy. Now it’s functional. Now it’s safe. And that I had to adjust mentally so that I didn’t have some crazy, you know, expectations and, and cause dysfunction in our, in our, you know, in our intimacy, in our intimate life. So that’s the best, that’s the most 13 way I can put it. But yeah, it helped when I let go of the dysfunctional part of my sexual past,

5 (1h 35m 7s):
Do you know how many people who are married? The woman, especially, and the man, they got the same underwear they had when they first got together. I mean, the woman got grandma panties. I mean, haven’t changed. I mean the main, ain’t got no type of special underwear. The devil’s a liar. Someone need to go and go shopping. It was a new panties and some underwear. That’s all I’m trying to say. I mean, I mean, come on lady. I mean, how long ago keep wearing the grandma and panties? I mean, how long you will keep wearing your drawers. I mean, it’s hard to expand your, your, your, your, your, you expand your hand.

5 (1h 35m 50s):
Ladies, you explaining your wig. Ladies, you expand your fingernails. Ladies, a King, a little, little South, and explain the panties, let the brother enjoy, you know, the different features of my wife, Lord bless. She had the boy short, my lawn loved the boy shorts. She got the a thousand last too long. It praise the Lord, but you to stop laughing. You don’t say to me, you say to me,

3 (1h 36m 39s):
If anybody wants, if you ain’t take nothing else from the whole broadcast by some new panties.

5 (1h 36m 46s):
So, so,

3 (1h 36m 48s):
So what’s, so what’s so interesting about that is it’s so true. And listen, I’m not going to say it, but what I, all right,

5 (1h 37m 1s):
Let random use your girl. Let them use you

3 (1h 37m 5s):
So years and years before we got married, you know, I was a dancer. So I had a lot of clothes. I had a lot of much grouper clothes I had. I mean, I had loads of shit. I had all kinds of stuff, all colors, all, you know, some very interesting is okay. Very interesting outfits. Now, for some reason, I don’t know what got ahold of me, but a couple years before, you know, we even met, I got rid of all of that stuff. Oh my goodness. I wish, well, I got rid of all of that stuff. But then what I had to realize, and I think this is like, it’s one of those things that maybe a lot of people might not think about because they, you know, it’s like, okay, maybe by the time you get into the bed, you’ve already pulled them off and all of that stuff.

3 (1h 37m 53s):
So you might not think of some big deal men. They pay attention to this stuff. They like the SA I don’t, it don’t matter how long you have a more and you can have more for like 1.2 seconds. You, they don’t have to feel comfortable cause you’re not going to have them all. But you know, sexiest, tiniest, you know, get those, like have those, because I think, I think it’s the easy area. It says funny as it is, but it’s an easy area to overlook because we’re thinking, okay, these are my, you know, this is private. Nobody sees it. It’s under my, you know, but when it comes to your spouse, I think is so, so it’s a small thing, but it can go a long way.

5 (1h 38m 41s):
No, it’s so true. So Danny says, Victoria secret, I will tell you this Victoria secret have me looking 20 child. They have my stuff standing up looking nice looking. Right? So it’s fun, fun stuff. Again, it now not to your point. And we have about 20 more minutes left. This has been a great show. Great show. This goes to what happened with Saint Agustine. Again, he won early church fathers. He was, he was a, whoremonger had a wife, had a mistress. And when he became converted, he was so right that he told men.

5 (1h 39m 26s):
And so many words, he remained a single app. He converted, he told men that sexual pleasure was wrong,

3 (1h 39m 35s):
Even, even in Marriage

5 (1h 39m 37s):
Marriage. And so there are many women, women please him loud and clear. You know, you hop, you have the scars of your past, right before you became married and what you did, you just threw away the baby with the bath water. You threw everything out. And now that you are married, you be surprised. Lord helped me. You’d be surprised how many times you will bring those scars. That’s good preaching. Apostle. You will bring those scars into your marriage and you wonder why the marriage is not working. And you wonder why it’s boring when it’s not happening, because you have let the scars of your past become reopened and not understand.

5 (1h 40m 19s):
It’s a whole different perspective. Now you’re married. Now you can enjoy yourself. But so many wives, what they do, they look like a non, they smell like a non and they tell your husband, you ain’t getting none. And that has to change that, that, that mind frame has to go about changing that mind frame. You will start to go down in a very bad way. But yeah, that’s one question I saw a while ago was like a meme or a question. And some guy had an in group and he was like, when and why do you like rush? And like, beg these men to get married and you don’t want to like have sex and please them and enjoy him in that way. Like, it’s like, I think for shutdown. So yeah.

5 (1h 40m 59s):
Why would you, right. Yeah. Yeah.

2 (1h 41m 4s):
Sorry. One scripture that comes to my mind is where the Bible says, enjoy the wife of your youth. Another scripture says, let her love or intoxicate. You will be intoxicated by love. Let her breasts satisfy you. You know, all, all those different things alludes to, you know, the, the importance of intimacy, you know, the importance of not just having sex, but enjoying one another in that process, enjoying her body, enjoying his body. And, and, and so, you know, it’s, it goes back to, you know, so, so many couples need to too, I guess so many couples need maintenance.

2 (1h 41m 51s):
We talked about that earlier, you know, maintenance and therapy, because at some point in the Marriage, there’s a disconnect where, you know, one of the other holes back. And a lot of times, since we’re talking about this, a lot of times, or something will come up in Marriage and we will take that. And we will reflect back on what happened that scar. And we will reach and pull that back in and hold that whole what somebody else did, you know, against our husband or wife, because something they did reminded you of what someone else did. And so it, it, I think is so important to try and get free from all of that.

2 (1h 42m 32s):
You mentioned something earlier, Dr. B, you said, you know, tell yourself I’m going to enjoy, you know, I’m going to enjoy my husband. I’m going to tell yourself this, build yourself up, you know, in, in that area. And when you begin to say these things, and you’re going to say, and we, we spoke about this not too long ago, you know, telling yourself I’m going to enjoy my husband. I’m going to enjoy my wife, you know, get that going and your mind. So, so that when you get to one another, you know, you can actually, your body, your body is cooperating with your mind.

5 (1h 43m 10s):
That that is so important. As a Sex coach, a lot of guys on the stand that a woman is totally connected to the vagina of your brain. A lot of times, guys, we’re not connected. You know, it does what it wants to do. But when you have that constant connection with your spouse, that’s why I tell men the way it works. As soon as you finish having sex, you start the process. Again, you just don’t touch your wife. When you want to have sex, you, you don’t get with that. And look, when you want to have sex, you don’t be nice to her. When you want to have sex.

5 (1h 43m 50s):
You’re always your, your, your, your always tenderizing the meat. You know what I’m saying? You know, you know, you always putting the spices on me. You know what I’m saying? You know, not putting the honey in your shirt. So when is, when is right law and how messy, because that’s what women need. Women need that constant. Because if I’m only touching her, when I want to have sex, you know, y’all get tired of that. Y’all always want to be tech y’all Dr, T, y’all like to be touch. And that’s fine because guess what we like to be touched too. It’s the same for mental, you know, they want to be like wanted and desired too.

5 (1h 44m 34s):
Yeah. I mean, I mean, again, the more you do that, the more you watch this, the more you are, this is so deep, the more you appreciate your spouse, the less open, and you give someone else to appreciate your spouse. You were somewhere last week, my wife was on the phone and talking to me, I want you to start long as I live. And so she stopped traffic. I mean, there were men checking my wife out. She did, she started driving and I was so proud. I say, yeah, she started traffic and we should come home.

5 (1h 45m 17s):
She come home for maintenance work, Carlos, somebody. All right. So again, that’s showing the appreciation. That’s showing how much I value and the more I value her, the better we’ll see, all right, we have 15 minutes less left. Let’s do our closing comments. And then we’ll do our roll the dice. And we’ll take it from there. Apostle attorney, please give your closing remarks.

3 (1h 45m 50s):
Well, closing remarks by some new panties. Other than that, there’s, there was a lot of things. There was a wide variety of things that were touched on. So I just really appreciate this conversation. I think the common thread, even with all the variety of top topics was communication. And so really just being in tune with what your spouse wants and, and being open to have those conversations, but having those conversations in a safe way, in a calm way, in a way that’s not accusatory a way that really allows for a person to open up and feel like they can really just speak without being interrogated or, or feeling like their, every word is being judged or, you know, pick the part.

3 (1h 46m 34s):
So free, open conversations, I think are key, no matter what the situation is and maintenance having that maintenance, even if things are going great, we might say, well, my marriage is great. We don’t have any issues. Things are better than they’ve ever been. Well, you want to keep them that

4 (1h 46m 50s):
Way. I suggest you reach out to someone like Dr. B and coach Porsche. Am I saying it Porsche? Am I saying your name right? Is it for your support? That is right. Okay. So I will reach out to someone like, you know, Dr. B or coach Porsche, because maintenance is so crucial and it can be easily overlooked, especially when you think things are going great, because every marriage has its ups and downs. Every, every marriage has their share of issues. And you don’t want to wait until you are almost on your own E before you go into a panic, like my husband.

2 (1h 47m 29s):
Yeah. That’s, that’s what I was going to say. Catch the flags early. Don’t wait until the light comes on, you know, to stop at the gas station. You know, don’t wait until the oil is low, dark and black, you know, to, to, to change it, just keep up with one another and be kind hearted, you know, to one another, enjoy one another. And, you know, thank a lot of couples, forget to enjoy one another. And so I would say to enjoy one another, because life is so short. If there are issues that come up, you know, try your best to keep the main thing, the main thing, the ongoing to character assassinations or accusations or anything like that, which is keep the main thing, the main thing as much as possible and, and, and, and love on one another, you know, and do what the other one needs, whatever the other needs, whatever your wife needs, whatever your husband needs, you know, find out their love language, because sometimes it’s not the roses, you know, find out their love language and, and, and, and stick with that.

2 (1h 48m 39s):
And, and, and just love on one another. They, any comments you want to give your final?

4 (1h 48m 46s):
Sure. First of all, just thank everyone for logging in and watching whether you’ve been coming in and out, or whether you’ve been with us the entire time. We appreciate your time, make sure to share the video and tell other friends and family about the show that we do. We are definitely missing the Sally. We miss them, but they’re going to join us the next go round and just thank teary and well a possible and attorney, thank you guys so much for, for being present with us and for communicating with us. I always learn so much from you guys as well. And it’s just a blessing to just sit among you and just feast.

4 (1h 49m 29s):
I mean, I feast, you know, so thank you guys as well for that. And again, to all those that are logging in and watching my last few words are vulnerability and inventory always keep a ground of vulnerability to each other without the hurt, always keep the respect there so that the grounds are always open to share with one another, as well as inventory find a date per month, find, you know, a specific time where you just sit, even if it’s for 10 or 15 minutes, just to take inventory of where you guys are, you know, recap the last few weeks recap the last month and also project and look forward to, you know, another month, what can we do better this, you know, this coming month, you know, what is it you want me to do more or less?

4 (1h 50m 22s):
You know, you’ll be surprised just with those few questions, the conversations that come out and especially for men, you know, they, they, they, I think most men are not quiet. I think most men’s men have a lot to say. So, so women don’t feed into that, that environment of my man, doesn’t talk that much. He has a lot to say, just ask the right questions. So leave that ground and vulnerability and always take inventory. All right, before I get my last points, attorney, please tell us about your, your, your book.

4 (1h 51m 5s):
That’s coming out this month. Go ahead.

6 (1h 51m 8s):
Come here.

4 (1h 51m 12s):
Thank you so much for that. On the 29th of January at 8:00 PM, it’s a Friday night. I’m going to have a pre-launch party for my second memoir, which is titled trapped in plain sight, the unfamiliar face of human trafficking, and it really outlines and shares the story of my experience and my survival of human trafficking and how I didn’t even know that I was being trafficked. And so the book really just takes you through that journey to really spread awareness and shed light on how trafficking can tap right under our noses, oftentimes. And so the, the book dives into that. And so I hope that you’ll join me on the 29th for the prelaunch party right here on Facebook.

4 (1h 51m 58s):
We can’t wait. We will look forward to it for, for one of my books that I, so for one of my books I would recommend, I would definitely recommend that one of my books return to the garden of Eden, one of my 24 books that gives a good background for couples being more connected and returning to the garden or returning to their first love. That’s very important for couples to do. All right. My lovely wife is going to be the Vanna white, and she’s going to throw the dice. Oh. And we’re going to give the assignment to couples. All right, guys. So if you guys remember this, that watched with us last time. Yeah. So we have some dice and we’re going to shake the four dice up.

4 (1h 52m 41s):
And this is your homework couples. This is your homework. All right. All right. So who did not do so this one says, where’s this camera? Oh, this one says garden, garden, garden. All right. This one says yours. This one says free. I think we get another turn. No, With did that. And then this one, and this one says kiss. So we get kiss, kiss, kiss, garden.

4 (1h 53m 27s):
She’ll go ears. And we also had a free, so I think we get to go again. So keep those in mind. Okay. Oh, okay. So just roll this one. I guess let’s take it up then. Ooh. And it comes out fast. So those are the words. So garden kiss, ears, and fast be creative couples and come up with a good way of pleasing. One another with those four words. So garden kiss, ears fast, fast. However it is, Hey, I may, I may kiss you and rub your ears over a garden salad before you eat it real fast.

4 (1h 54m 13s):
So it just come up with however it is with those words, garden, kiss, ears fast. That’s your homework. All right. People don’t forget. We’ll be back next month. Also. Don’t forget. Next month is Valentine’s day about on-time date is on the second Sunday in February and fellows are trying to help you. Make sure you start. All right. God bless everyone Holmes on off, and God bless you guys. Hope you guys will join us next month. Spread the word, share this, give us your likes and stuff like that.

4 (1h 54m 54s):
Give us your suggestions. We’ll take it from there until next time. God bless you.